Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Matt Jones: International Party Animal

'What did you do over the gorgeous bank holiday weekend Matt?'. It's an interesting question. One with an embarassing and decidedly middle aged answer. I put together a desk for my computer, watched DVDs and ironed everything that I own. Everything. I was that bored. Actually I tell a lie, the one thing I didnt iron I chose to wear to work to day, probably some subconscious effort not to ruin all my good work.

Lets face it, it isn't an answer that's likely to encapture an audience. It's kind of like after the second world war when dads were asked 'What did you do in the War daddy?' and one or two of these unfortunate souls were trying to figure out a way of putting a heroic gloss on the fact that they'd spent most of the time in the smallest room with an embarassing bowel problem, which kept them from the arguably more important work of defeating fascism in mainland Europe.

Alright, it's not that extreme but it's hardly adding to my air of mystery now is it? It is, however, an interesting paradox. Lets say I did go out over the weekend and got on famously with one of the many international female super models I was chatting up and took her back to the flat. She would have been confronted with an unconstructed desk, a computer on the floor and unsightly wrinkles in all my shirts! Surely enough to put her off a relationship that otherwise was destined to last until the stars burnt out?

So it was forward planning then, yeah that's it. It's thin, transparent and bordering on collapse as far as reasons go but it'll do!

So. The Gym. I did go, debit card in hand, ready to become a sculpted Adonis. They wouldn't let me join though. I have a very small problem with one of my shoulders and they won't let me sign up until the doctor says it's OK, which means I have to register with a local quack now. Here's logic for you though. I say 'It's fine so long as I don't do any lateral lifts'. Gym woman 'We still need a doctors note I'm afraid. You can still sign up but you can't use the gym'.

So I'm allowed to use the pool and steam room right? That's the pool. Where you swim. With your arms.
Not the gym. With the treadmill, crosstrainers and exercise bikes and step machines. You know. The leg ones.

Doc only opens early on a Friday so have to regsiter this week, then go lie to him next week. Anyway, back down the salt mines now.

1 comment:

rob said...

My Bank holiday weekend rocked. I went sailing from Cowes to Guernsey. Was perfusely sea sick on the way down. Ended up diving over the side and under the boat to cut rope of the propeller, having French customs take pictures of me in wet boxer shorts after going swimming and then getting rescued by the Alderney RNLI lifeboat. I did see whales and dolphins though which made everything worth while!!!

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