They may want to rethink this headline

Clicky

That's it, I'm done!

On a day when large percentages of people in this country voted fascists into the European parliament, on a day that yet another part of the affection I feel for this country died a little more, on a day that saw a party of open racists come second in a nationally held election - I have this to say:

Muesli sucks.

Seriously, I've tried - I have REALLY tried with that stuff! Different brands, combinations - I've tried it with fruit, I've tried it with milk, I've tried it with yoghurt, I've tried with with milk and yoghurt - it's crap!

People who tell you they like muesli - those people don't like muesli - they're living a lie. How can you like something that is like eating crushed plasterboard?! Muesli has no redeeming features whatsoever - I try it every now and then, thinking 'If I'm to start eating breakfast, I'll eat something filling and good for me'. Which muesli would be, if it was in any way edible!

I was hoping to vary my breakfast a bit - the gym man seemed very certain I should be eating breakfast and if someone is telling me to eat more food, I am going to listen. Muesli, however, is not food. In the building trade it can be substituted for aggregate, but food it is not.

Place your bets...

How many hours before the NRA organise one of their sensitive rallies? clicky

BNP, Standing up for the rights of malnourished Celts

For those of you lucky enough to never have heard of or encountered the British National Party, I can only envy your ignorance.

Think white supremecists in suits.

Anyway, I've had a leaflet from these fetid weasels to do with the European Elections telling me that people like me vote for the BNP. I was, and am, fairly sure that people like me dream of seeing a BNP Vs UKIP last man standing death match, the winner of which gets deported and given a farm in Zimbabwe.

Of course, I could be mistaken.

'It's not racist to be against immigration!'. Yes it is, be quiet you silly little man.

My favourite claim of the BNP (I'm pretty sure the N isn't really for National) is that they stand up for the rights of the 'Indiginous population of Britain'. Given that the last time our population could be considered 'Indiginous' was before the Roman invasion somewhere around AD 50, I'm assuming they mean anyone who can trace their ancestry back to this point.

Of course, this isn't what they mean. After all, what is Britain but the result of a European gangbang? The key is in their policy for repatriation. They are for the 'voluntary' repatriation of non-white immigrants to their country of ethnic origin.

I'm not sure why 'non-white' immigrants. I mean, the BNP definitely are NOT racist - their literature tells us that so it must be true. I think repatriating the whole country to various locations in Europe apart from the inahbitants of some worryingly remote islands could prove logistically difficult. Also, telling the queen to fuck off back to Germany and 'Take your greek boyfriend with you!' might present a few obstacles.

Maybe they're just environmentalists - you know, start with the non-whites. Then move the rest of the population of England back to their countries of ethnic origin, then ultimately the Scotch (for that is what they are called) and the Welsh. That will leave the beautiful British landscape untouched, and also infect various other countries with members of the BNP who will win further elctions. Of course the 'B' will have to be replaced with the name of their new home. Also they'll have to get the national language changed to English so their constituents will understand them - they're BRITISH for God's sake! You can't expect them to be bilingual! This will result in more victories, more repatriations back those indiginous populations countries of origin. Ultimately everyone will be repatriated to a small village in sub-Saharan Africa who's language is entirely based on clicks. This will kill most of us off, thus saving the planet from certain environmental disaster

So. They're not racist. They're radical environmentalists.

Either that or they are brainless, hate filled, billious, exploitative, fear mongering, predictable fuckwits. You decide.

OK, we get it, move on!

For about the last 6 weeks, there has been one 'News' story dominating the British headlines, and that is MPs claiming on expenses.

Let me make something clear here, I agree that the system is broken. I agree that claiming for cleaning your moat is taking the piss, but he's a Tory MP - of course he has a moat!

However. Very little, if any, of what has been reported has broken the rules laid down. The rules are wrong but here's the thing, and there's no getting around it - Changing the rules, and then punishing people for following the old rules when they were in force is not what we do in a free society. There is no room for ambiguity here, you don't do it. You use the abuses of the old system to highlight the need for change, you make the changes, you move on.

Because the Daily Telegraph has made an industry out of this scandal (an industry only rivaled by the Daily Express' continued obsession with a long dead royal), a lot of the genuine abuses are mixed up with perfectly innocent mistakes, but obviously a British journalist couldn't possibly highlight honesty as that wouldn't sell so well. I find it particularly amusing that it is the Torygraph reporting on this garbage, given the fate of Sir Conrad Black.

What do I mean by innocent mistakes? Well, whilst there is no doubt that the cabinet and shadow cabinet are riddled with snakes, weasels and general sycophantic, weak-willed turds, your average MP shouldn't be tarred with the same brush. I hate politicians, but mainly because our electoral system (such as it is) allows them to rest on their laurels.

What I dislike most about this tediously inevitable lazy journalism, is the lack of actual investigation. There are a lot of MPs int his report who submitted claims that were not eligible, noticed the mistake a few weeks later and paid the money back immediately. That's without the aid of what passes for an 'exposé' in British journalism these days. That's right, years ago this was happening and yet they paid it back anyway! One might possibly infer that these people made an honest mistake and then rectified it! Oh Horror!

This, clearly, isn't true of all of these tossers. Although I think Douglas Hogg should get to keep his money, claiming for cleaning a moat cleaning should be rewarded just for the sheer audacity of it!

Remember, all of these claims got approved by someone after they were submitted. Someone approved that moat cleaning - who's that guy?! You don't sack someone for doing what has been done for the last 50 years, just because your shitty system got found out. These are MPs, you either don't select them to run for you next time around or you let the voters choose at the polling stations. Sacking them is just a weak appeasement that solves nothing, other than to make the public feel they've achieved something with their media generated outrage. It's a tried and tested method of controlling the mob.

Bottom line is, the electorate are being played. Pay attention to what's actually going on, calm the fuck down and watch what they are actually doing, otherwise a nice 'Independent Inquiry' will be set up. To appease the squawling masses, a few heads will be put on pikes (no fear, they'll get a few non-executive positions to tide them over). The Inquiry will drag on and on, and maybe some time next year it'll be quietly release suggesting that the rules should be changed so that they are now in Tahoma instead of Ariel.

Lesser of two evils

I'm rejoining the gym after 3 years away. I've not been replaced by a pod person, my choices are simple.

Stop eating food I like and pretend I much prefer eating tofu with soya dressing than curry. Or I do exercise, and plenty of it. Exercise isn't total anathema to me and to be brutally honest, I'll rub scotch bonnets into my eyes before giving up my favourite foods.

When I last went, as with anything I do, it wasn't the doing of the exercise that was the problem. I actually enjoyed most of it. My problem was always actually dragging my arse to the gym. We'll see how I go eh?

Incidentally 'I enjoyed most of it'. Allow me to elaborate. The only thing I dislike more than running, is running on a bloody treadmill. Nothing is more likely to put me into a coma.

That said, I may take up running outdoors and cycling again later in the year when the weather draws in, there are some interesting cross country courses that would take me away from the sociopaths that pass for drivers in Surrey.

Prepare thyselves for a lot of gym whinging.

Wow! That long huh?!

Err yeah, that whole posting every day thing....

So,what's been happening? Here's the break down, let me know if you want me to expand on any of these:

1) I got older - nothing to elaborate on here, I had a birthday - nothing happened. Ooh! except Hannah got me one of these - still needs a test run.

2) I got a bonus and treated myself to a DSLR camera. I got a Nikon D60 (after Jo spectacularly failed to respond to me with advice. She's a Canon fanboy. The Canon\Nikon debate has been described to me in this way "It's like Mac Vs PC, only with Canon vs Nikon thing there is little to no difference in the products" - Oh wait I blogged about the camera already didn't I? AH well!..

3) First test duck shots here

4) Bought a new Lense and tripod for said camera.

5) Went home to Wales, weather was terrible, ruining most of my plans. Did get some pics with the new lens - clicky

6) Whilst home, went out with all my favourite home peoples, it was awesome. Also had mahoosive Sunday dinner from mum. That evening I ate a Phal. It was so hot I could see the end of the universe.

7) Yesterday I went out with the new lens and the tripod and took more pictures, none very good but I'll get there. Clicky

Now. The camera stuff has been bloody expensive and as a result I have decided to sell my Macbook, long story, the short version is that I bought something that I don't really need so I'm selling something that I don't really need. It's the only way I'll learn.

However, first it's going to the Apple store where I will be shouting until they replace the casing.

Errrm. Yup, that's about it! More blogging tomorrow, if I get time in between cleaning, eating and office work I hope to do some blogging.

Lurgy update

After suffering a humiliating defeat in the face of my awesome chili, the deadly lurgy has retreated to my throat, giving up ground in the nose and head almost completely. I am making an enormous breakfast in celebration of the victory, but the war is not won. I may order a follow up attack of curry later in order to prevent a counter-strike.

I've had Stu badgering me to g to the pub since Thursday but not felt up to it. Whilst I could probably murder a pint later I think I am going to duck out again, drunkenness will let the lurgy back in the door tomorrow.

I've taken to drinking lots of water instead of juices and fizzy drinks, I'm sure it won't last but I hope it does, I'm sure a lot of my podgleyness is down to the amount of those drinks I've taken to consuming (especially the evil Ginger Beer!).

It's definitely not attributable to pies, pizza, curry and beer. So no need to cut down on that.