Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Journals in Hypocrisy

The title of this post will become clear, but I am going to discuss my awesome weekend of awesomeness first. In brief.

Rob Shipley, friend and colleague headed towrds the light on Friday, it was his last day at this company. Also Don Pedro Ramirez - international latini lover, arrived for a visit for the weekend. The inevitable drinking until we couldn't feel our faces ensued, inclduing a lovely curry at Lal Akash - I was going to put a photo here but they are on the home PC.

Saturday saw me cooking a lot of food and myself and Pedr taking the newly formed Wisconsin NFL franchise - the Cheddar City Cheesey Poofs - to an unbeaten run in the 2007 season on Madden '08 on the 360(8 and 0 so far ;)). The uniform of bright Edam Red and Double Gloucester Orange proved a hit with the fans, who were glad of no longer having to support the Evil Green Bay Packers. The Cheesey Poofs play at Cheddar Gorge stadium. Yeah, it took us hours to come up with that one.

I also made curry. It was awesome. Grown men playing 360 all day. That's right, no one is cooler than us.

Sunday we went to the Strand to check in to the hotel but they were running late on check-ins so we ditched the luggage and headed up to Wembley (photos on facebook, will put some up here eventually). We watched the game between the Dolphins and the Giants, the weatehr actually helpled the dolphins somewhat and it ended a tight 13-10 Giants win. The experience of goign to Wembley and actually watching a regular season NFL game was awesomeness, we then went to Sports Café to catch the Pats, 49ers and Jets games and Pedr also wanted to watch game 4 of the World series.

Met a bunch of people there who had also travelled down for the game who were very chatty (clearly not natives of the South East ;)). Seems to be a disproportionate number of Tynesiders who are NFL fans!

Monday I was off work, so obviously got called up 3 times before 930am which was fun after drinking until 3 in the morning.

After putting Piotr on the tube to Euston I decided to mooch about London for a bit and wandered aimlessly - ended up by Whitehall, Palmall, some other places. Eventually wound round to Regent Street which is where my big troubles began. I ended up in the Apple Store and nearly convinced myself to by a MacBook then and there - all my brain needs is a tiny bit of space and it latched onto the 'You were going to buy a laptop soon anway' thought I'd been havign and it was away! I escaped with my wallet intact for now but I doubt it will last much beyond the end of the month because I am an idiot.

Yes, I still hate many of the things Apple do but I've hardly been in love with Microsoft all these years. Maybe I should just get a 400mhz 386 and install Ubuntu on it and be done with all of these commercial giants. But then, that wouldn't be as pretty which is apparently what matters.

I hope I don't have to start wearing rollneck sweaters if I become a Mac.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Breaking News - No One Fucking Cares!

There should be an International Law that forces all self-proclaimed news sites to have a Diana filter. This could serve multiple purposes, not least of which would be documenting who are the Diana conspiracy theorists and excluding them from any and all public debate on any subject - they clearly lack the ability to apply logic and reason to any situation.

The Diana filter would immediately remove all the pointless, worthless crap that is written around a sadly departed over priviledged socialite. Seriously, 'Poor me I live in a Palace full of treasure'. It's apparently blasphemy to say this but I didn't care for her when she was alive and, thanks to the Daily Express and everyone who still seems to think that this is in any way news, I care for her less now.

I check the BBC daily and the news stories from the 2007 inquest (I think it's an annual event now, kind of like the Queen's speech) this week:

Today - Diana Spoke
Yesterday - Diana chased and possibly hindered by Papps
Yesterday - Car in front of Diana on the road
Tuesday - Scooter may or may not have been ont he road at the same time as Diana
Monday - Spitting Image puppet of Diana to be sold.

I kid you not, this is just what I remember from glances at the 'most emailed headlines' link on the beeb. Who's emailing this crap to their friends?! And how do they still have friends?! Essentially the top emailed stories this week are 'Diana had the ability to speak', 'Other people in France use roads' and '80s puppet based satire enjoys brief rememberance'.

The irony that the same media that killed her is the same media that sheds crocodile tears and feigns interest in "finding the truth" now is not lost on me ;)

Of course, the biggest advantage of a compulsory Diana filter is that none of you would have had to read this ;)

Ending an abusive relationship

For the last 13 years I've endured your abuse. Your lack of communication in my times of need have left me anguished for days on end. Just when I am at the end of my tether, you kick me while I am down - when I try to fix things, to make them better - you don't answer my calls and when you do you just give me the run around. And then you charge me for the privilege!

This measured and deliberate abuse ends now, I've found someone else - you and I are through.

I'm sick of your gnarly old Natwest facade, your 'admin charges', your inability to do anything without me coming into your understaffed branch and proving my existance to you. In short, you smell of poo and now I have a proper job I amm in a position to move my accounts somewhere else. Do you know what a mobile phone is? First Direct will text me with my account status, they'll text me whenever I tell them to. They have a cool website (though I think the fact they have apodcast is a bit weird).

So screw you Nastywest! I got me some First Direct love!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Let the good times roll.....or at least wobble a bit

I had a big thing about hunting for a new flatmate, being sensible with my budgeting and all sorts of other incredibly dull stuff here until I realised that it was all crap and no one cares. Instead I am going to tell you that I am going out for the first time since Hannah's awesome visit last month (post still to come - work in progress for the ever elusive new site). I only tell you this because it will be the first opportunity I will have had to test out the camera on the new phone! You're on the edge of your seats I can tell. It's Nim's birthday bash and it should be good fun. Also meeting up with Mair in London tomorrow night for a catch up and drinks, so two in one weekend!

It's nice to go out because I want to, not because it's a weekend actually - I only decided to accept the Nim invite when I woke up today, I was going to be all sensible and just do tomorrow but what's the point in being good if you can't reward yourself a bit? ....... As opposed to my previous budget plan which was to reward myself extensively and without pause in lieu of being awesomely good.

There seems to be a bizarre response to the podcast idea, none of you seem particularly horrified - I'll look into it - I may even start with an NFL special report pre-Wembley while Pedr is down visiting. I should probably mention it to him at some point - but he'll read this. Pedr - we can cut this short, you'll say you don't want to do it and say you’re embarrassed etc. I'll likely agree, and then we'll get drunk and argue about how I think baseball could be much improved by making the ball a time bomb that goes off randomly. You know it makes sense ;)

Thursday, October 18, 2007


I'm considering doing an infrequent podcast, because my ego really is that deluded. I say me, I mean me and Nick. Nick doesn't know yet but I'm sure he'll be thrilled. It's probably yet another whim that will pass but I thought I would warn you.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Weight gain 3000

I've become more portly in my dotage because I am lazy and don't take much exercise. Apparently saying you are going to exercise doesn't cut the mustard.

Some people say that drinking lots of beer and alcohol in general gives you a beer belly and makes you fat. This isn't true, at least not directly. Not in my case, I don't care what these so called 'Health Professionals' tell you.

As the completely indisputable evidence provided by psuedo-science tells us, soft drugs lead to harder drugs. I assume this means you progress from the occasional spoon of Night Nurse to a hardcore Benylin habit. Anyway, where am I going with this analogy? I'll warn you that it's a tenuous link at best but I'm hung over so you can all sod off.

So, Alcohol doesn't make me fat - but Alcohol leads to kebabs and breakfast. And much like spending increases to match your income, my body has grown to accomodate sausages and kebabs. I get drunk, I get hungry so I eat lots of things that aren't good for me. Also I wake up starving - I don't normally eat breakfast but after a heavy night, if it's a weekend I grill half a pig's worth of Porky White's sausages and maple cured bacon. I grill tomatoes, heat up some beans, poach some egss and toast a load of bread. All of this goes onto a plate and is promptly demolished.

This kind of behaviour has got to contribute to my ever growing moobs and it's time the drinks industry stood up to its responsibilities and provided free gym membership to all those affected by ARSES (Alcohol Related Stupid Eating Syndrome) or, better still, a personal trainer. An idiot would suggest that I could just exercise some willpower, but as the description suggests, that person would be an idiot.

Casing point - last night was the project meal and I got hammered, abandoned this post half written to get fish and chips.

Thursday, October 04, 2007


Hi! It's me again! Just thought I would write about the awesomeness of Podcasts. The new phone is quite cool in this regard, it will subscribe to podcasts and I can download them right to the device. I still haven't found a way of automating it but give me time. Anyway, so I've been looking for half decent podcasts to listen to, some recommended to me by Nick and one or two I found myself. So far, however, there are only two that held my interest.

Firstly - Russell Howard on 6 Music podcast - very funny show without all the boring musicky bits! :D Clicky to Download

The second is This Week in Tech or TWiT. Obviously a geekfest but also very funny, especially John Dvorak. Clicky to download. Incidentally Dvorak has quite a good ranty blog here.

Anyway, any podcasty recommendations send them my way, I made the mistake of downloading Moyles from the BBC who I am pretty sure I used to like - though I can't think why anymore! Anyway, point being I wouldn't bother with that one ;)

Delayed response

Hi! I haven't forgotten you, I've just been lame. Hannah came to vist a couple weks ago and I took her to Thorpe Park and a comedy gig for her birthday. Lots of other stuff is happening too but I need to sort that post out, hence the delay on other stuff. Bear with me, if i can actually muster some effort I will get a lot done this weekend ;)

You're on the edge of your seats, I can tell.

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