Saturday, September 27, 2008

Science fails again.

All I'm saying is that Paul Newman dies adn Ben Afflek and and Sean William Scott get to live on and shit onto cinema screens. Where's the justice?

Surely there must be some kind of way of turning the life sucking machine of the skexies towards a purer, more noble purpose?

I'm not suggesting that you join those two sentences up to come to the conclusion that Ben Afflek and Sean William Scott should have their life force sucked out of them and fed into infinitely more worthwhile and talented people. All I'm saying is that if ALL of you have reached that conclusion by reading the aforementioned sentences, who's to say it is wrong?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Best laid plans....

I won't finish the well known phrase as I doubt there is much planning in the life of a mouse, don't believe the lies perpetuated by Hanna Barbera or MGM.

Anyway, I thought I had a free day or two this weekend so i was going to take a trip home or to see friends - hadn't quite decided what yet, maybe to drop off some overdue presents. Pootling about, with the possibility of a final destination.

Apparently this was entirely too much planning for the world to cope with and now I am not going because I may or may not be needed at work.

I'm actually not that put out, it's just mildly annoying but may at least give me some more time to develop a plan to turn clowns into some kind of Squow operated weaponry. Almost certainly employing hover technology.

See how I weave?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Clowning around

This story kind of misses the point somewhat I think. Some people are really scared of clowns - foolish but vaguely understandable. They are, after all, freaks and weirdos.

Some people really like clowns, these people should be watched for they are surely deviants.

Some people think clowns are funny - these people should be sterilised as they are bigger danger to the human race than global warming. Enough of these people breeding would put us back in caves trying to work out if rocks are edible.

Clowns aren't funny. they've never been funny and they never will be funny. Even when I was a kid and was taken to the circus - which I absolutely loved - the most boring and tedious part of the whole show was when the clowns came on. Oh look, your bucket isn't full of water at all, it's confetti! Well bless my soul.

I know the supporters of these tools would say 'ah but the repetition and the lack of originality is what makes it so enjoyable to watch!'. No it isn't, you're an idiot. I don't care how good the joke is - if you repeat for 300 years it stops being funny. I like repetition as much as the next guy, partly due to my ever failing memory and inability to remember whether or not I've told someone a story already (I invariably have), but there are limits.

So I applaud Birmingham council for exposing these frauds, perhaps with out the glitz and glamour of their trumpets, the audiences will see them for the rubbish painted deviants that they are!

That is all.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Time, Space & Sofas

The sofa was too big, I still have no sofa. Bah!

I've pretty much given up again now, I think 2 weekends is entirely too much time spent on this kind of crap - I pretty much have everything I need other than a sofa. Maybe now I have created a sofa habitat, one will migrate there.

In the mean time I'll use my weekend time getting worse at guitar and working. Yeah that's right - no one parties like me.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

..What a difference a day makes..

... on the other hand I could successfully bid on a fairly plush looking leather sofa, rug, dining table & chairs, glass shelving unit and some other bits for under 200 squids. I have no idea what just happened, but I appear to have arranged a complete refurnishing of my front room. Since there aren't any home improvement shows at all on the TV, anywhere in the world, I may grace you all with a before and after photo set. But only if things go well ;)

Sempiternal Sofa Saga

No I don't have a sofa, I am faffing about too much. Rather than drive about looking for something appropriate I reverted to type and tried with ebay again. Evidetly I failed because, when it comes to furnishing a flat that I don't own, I am a cheap ass.

By the end of next weekend there will be something sofa shaped in my front room, even if I have to steal from a tramp down the tip.

In other news, I have a cunning alternative to the decorative pebbles. I'm going to take an existing, stupid idea and turn it into something more awesomer. Honest.

Since the sofa is causing me so much consternation I am going to buy a bunch of other stuff off ebay in preparation for the phantom couch's arrival. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Lord of all I Survey.

Which, Emperor of All the Europes aside, isn't actually all that much. Looking around the flat after Dave moved out it occured to me that I've seen homeless people with more furniture than I have. This was helped in no small part than my generous. if misguided, donation of over 50% of the furniture in the front room to Dave.

In perspectivem, this was a table and some chairs. When a table and some chairs accounts for 50% of your front room/dining area, you need to take a long hard look at the sofa vaccuum occupying the middle of your floor.

Somthing I duly did, I looked, I observed, I digested. Then I started looking up art prints on eBay.

Please, don't try. If I can't follow my own 'logical' leaps, what hope do you have?

...and Louder Still


In customary gloating fashion, I thought I would just brag about the fact I just secured myself a ticket to the Metallica album launch party at the 02 in a couple of weeks. They rather generously offered the tickets at a fiver each. However, in order to get into the first round of ticket sales (and thus stand any chance at all of getting one) you have to be a member of their fan club. I don't think I've been a member of a fanclub before, but then I've never had cause to watch a phoenix reborn before.

OK, a slight exaggeration, but since Bob Rock has been producing Metallica things for the more traditional fans have not gone well. I know people who refuse to listen to anything after the ....And Justice for All album. I'm a little more broad minded, but only a little. The Black album (that's the one with Enter Sandman on it), whilst really cool and an album I really like, was a break away from their roots. Load, again, was eventually proved to be a good album and actually worked the more Bluesy angle really well - just not exactly what you would call knock you off your feet amazing. ReLoad was just the filler left over from Load and the less said about that album the better. There were a few quality albums in between the next studio one, which were basically rehashing existing material but still good stuff. Then there was St.Anger. or Stanger. Or Stank-er.

The problem with a band like Metallica is that they've sold somewhere int he region of 110 million albums, they have a legion of fans like me who buy their stuff just because it says Metallica on it. They can produce any old garbage (see ReLoad & Stanger), slap a price tag on it and it will sell.

Anyway, they finally got a chap called Rick Rubin on board, who's been responsible for so many quality albums it's untrue. Like a bit of metal? He produced the Kerrang! 'Heaviest album of all time' with Reign in Blood by Slayer. Beastie Boys fan? How about the classic License to Ill? All the good Danzig albums are his. Like a bit of the Chili Peppers? Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magick is chief amongst his involvement with those boys. System of A Down, Rage Against the Machine - the list goes on. The guy knows his stuff when it comes to mainstream stuff and with the stuff at the roots of Metallica, so I have unreasonably high hopes for this latest release.

Yes I know that this post is only of interest to me. Yes I know I am acting like a frothing fanboy. If you don't like it, what the hell are you doing reading it all dumb ass?!

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