Tuesday, July 31, 2007

FOX News Rocks!

It's true, I love FOX News. I love it for so many reasons. I don't know if they still do it but you used to be able to get some FOX News stuff over here late at night, certainly the Beeb used to do a thing where they would show ABC for an hour at some point in the early hours.

FOX News is unique though. It's like a cross between a brainless red neck and a Daily Mail reader. Like some kind of unholy union between the worst qualities of each to produce some bile spewing, ill-informed, white supremecist TV channel. A great thing about it though is the fact that all you need is the tiniest element of free will and the ability to read and you are immediately better informed than every single person involved with the channel, and it becomes a comedy channel.

Unfortunately I am in the UK so am not blessed with the benefit of listening to Republican rent boys Bill O'Reilly or Geraldo Riviera. On the plus side they have an awesome website which is an absolute mine of comedy gems. Today I popped across to see if they had reported on the guy who built a '65 Mustang out of empty Budweiser Cans.

I dutifully clicked on World News and then I was about to click on Europe when I noticed something. Here is the menu list you are presented with once you click 'World News':

World HOME
War on Terror

Col. Corner: David Hunt

Col. Corner: Ollie North



other countries/regions in big list


Princess Diana

Natural Disasters


Princess Diana, apparently, is now a geographic region and/or current world event. Either that or....... Mrs Redneck may have cheated on Mr Daily Mail? FOX News could be involved with a paternity test, but who with?! Well there is only one publication which lives and breathes Diana, a paper that has managed to shoe-horn the name of a long dead woman of priviledge into every single headline and supplement since 1997. That's right! Is FOX News really the Bastard love child of the Daily Express?! All we need is for Geraldo to pick up his old job as a Jerry Springer wannabe and we got ourselves a show!...

Saturday, July 28, 2007


It's the Challenge Cup final at Wembley on the 25th August, Saint Helens play Bradford today in the semi final and we have a pretty fair chance of beating them because the Saints rock and Bradford are evil. I have it on good authority that they eat babies - it's true. They aren't as Satanic and wicked as Leeds and nowhere near as underhand and Anti-Christ like as Wigan, but they are still evil.

The problem I have, as always, is that I'm a moron. I have booked tickets to get home that weekend so even if we beat The Bulls I won't be at the final. Last year it was at Twickenham, an armpit of a stadium that they should pay people to populate not the other way around - so I could stand missing a Challenge Cup final there. This is Wembley but I'll be at home - sucks to be me.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

More wedding Shenanigans, PokéFaustus, uppance.

Since the predicted clamber of excitement asking for more details of my thrilling adventures I am going to talk first about Nick Brooks, friend and colleague. Hmmm, that sort of sounds like the opening to an obituary.....

I'll start again. Nick is going to marry Cara. This was already a very cool thing, not least because they are doing it at Niagra Falls no less! Also, for reasons best know to himself, Nick asked me to be best man. This is very cool, though I have yet to tell him that I've never successfully been best at anything, even if all that's basically being asked is that I am the best at following my biological fate. I am hoping there is no bear wrestling or running involved.

I'm not entirely sure what it is I am supposed to do beyond getting him drunk, securing a traffic cone and writing a speech that will result in me being banned from all future such engagements. Anyway, the upshot is that in February it looks like I am Canada bound. As such I have decided to kill a flock of birds with a single matrimonial pebble. First I am obviously going to go to Canada, where I plan to spend upwards of a week having a brief mooch around. Then down to the US, stopping in to visit the Maja and some other places along the way. After that I want to fly to Houston to visit an old University friend who lives out there, working for Pi Studios. Then maybe a couple days in Dallas (TBC).

In total, I hope to be in North America for about 3 weeks - hopefully the trip will span over pay day lol!

In other news I noticed Final Fantasy 3 was available for the DS so all the abuse I took for ordering Pokémon was for naught as there was another very good game I could get instead. However, it appears that pre-ordering with GAME is akin to signing your name in blood on a contract made of human skin that is being held by a suspiciously sinister individual with a sanguine complexion and a penchant for throwing his head back and laughing like a Bond Villain. Basically I couldn't cancel, my soul it appears belongs to the Pokémon. Serves me right too, my uppance has clearly come.


Any Best Man advice would be appreciated, most people have the good sense not to invite me to weddings so I really have no idea.........Nick - you weren't meant to read that bit.....

Monday, July 23, 2007

The news in brief......

It's been a while I know! I am going to give a mini-update and let you tell me which you would like to hear about properly first! (If any).

OK so first off - went to La Marché in Italy and had the best most relaxing time with some very more awesomer friends, Emi and Hannah. We were staying with Emi's dad who is a Chiropractor in Communanza. We were right up in the middle of nowhere and no one spoke English which was quite refreshing. I have nothing bad to say except that, on the whole, Italian bread is crap. Now bearing in mind that I spent best part of 5 days there, and the only negative I can think of is the bread, we can conclude I thoroughly enjoyed the holiday and the company I was in. I was, obviously, a source of some wonder and amusement as my skin tone, on the Dulux Colour Chart is 'Frightened Milk'. So, I have some pics on facebook but if you want to hear more about this before anything else vote now! (Including the harrowing tale of how I nearly lost a leg when I received a mortal wound whilst swimming).

OK then I came back to work, I've decided to temporarily put my moving plans on hold - I think I was getting a bit ahead of myself - another 6-12 months here will be good for my career in general and the houses aren't going anywhere in that time.

Big news is that I have ordered the new Pokémon game for my DS, which Hannah ranted and raved at me about - and once she explained it to me she was right to do so. I remember Pedr and me taking the piss quite a lot when it was around as a 'phenomenon', but I had no idea quite how massive and childlike it was really. All I know is that the console games tend to be excellent, so I am willing to buy one. However, that argument falls down when you find out they are sending me a free stylus with a little Pokémon on the top of it. That's right; no one is cooler than me. Hannah was mortified when she found out that her favourite band Mcfly (which is waaaay cooler than Pokémon apparently) will be launching the game. [Edit] I should really highlight this a little more strongly. I am 30 yeasr old and I am buying a Pokémon game. Even my low reserves of shame are struggling to deal with this fact. I am still, however, buying it. If rob can't use this as insult ammo, there is no hope for that boy.[/Edit]

Went to lunch on Sunday with April for a chat and a catch-up. We went to J Sheekey, which apparently is very famous. We intended to stick to the set weekend lunch menu, but we got a bit carried away. If you ant a foody post, let me know and I'll do that first!

Then I went for drinks with Keiron and Natalie who have just moved to Bow - Kieron for the first time living further than 1 mile from the University of Hull, Nat moving from Hertfordshire. Once done there, went off for drinks with Rob and his Hannah (tiny tiny Hannah), then home with a very spinny head!

OK, that's the synopsis of my July, I'm sure I missed stuff out but I'm back now! muahahhahah!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Specifically for Julie Gong

Here is why you need to upgrade to an XBox 360 Julie. It's the only way to be more awesomer.

All you losers with real lives couldn't possibly understand. hehe!

More gallivanting

Off to Italy for 5 days or so tomorrow, up in the mountains of Marché apparently. Looking forwrd to doing absolutely nothing for a few days!

Photos to follow.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007


Well sort of, Olivia didn't play favourites, or she couldn't be bothered thinking of names lol! Anyway.


‘The rules are simple. There are 9 questions (3², each of which has 3 answers, to give a total of 27, or 3³. The whole point is that the questions are somewhere between eclectic, banal and downright bizarre, so that you can answer completely truthfully without actually giving much away. Just put down the first three answers that come to mind if you can’t work out the “most appropriate” three.’

Objects Within One Metre Of You

1. My work PCs (yes I have a few, the more you have the more important you are - that's the rule!)

2. Mobile Phone

3. Zune

First Names of People You Sat Next To At School

1. Simon

2. David

3. Phil

TV Programmes You Won’t Watch

1. Big Brother (and all Big Brother Related shows)

2. "Talent" contests

3. Anything with the word 'Celebrity' in the title

Favourite Trivial Pursuit Categories

1. Art & Literature

2. Science and Nature

3. History

Superpowers You’d Like To Have

1. Telkinesis (don't need flight if you have this! - you clearly have not spent the inordinate amount time thinking about this stuff as I have 'Liv! lol)

2. Regeneration

3. Not Getting Fat

Newspapers, Magazines or Periodicals Read Regularly

1. I tend to randomly select a bile rag when I can be bothered to give them my time, just to recharge the Rant Cells.

Songs You Dislike (...oh so many....)

1. Anything by Lilly Allen, especially after what she did to Oh My God.

2. That 'Acceptable In the 80s' song - Calvin Harris is one of the people we should be reserving for conversion into BioFuel.

3. Brimful fo Asha.

Blog Posts of Your Own That You’d Recommend.

1. I'd really give it a miss if I were you

2. Seriously, that's not the name of a good post

3. There really ism nothing to see here.

People you'd like to tag.

1. anyone

2. who wants

3. to join in

Powers of the Throne

Considering the USA is a Republic, their President's powers do seem to bear an awfully strong resemblence to those of our monarchs a couple of hundred years ago. With Dick 'Is it an old man or is it a game bird' Cheney merrily removing the process of Checks and Balances by declaring himself the 4th Branch of Government, the Patriot Act wiping out various pesky sections of the constitution that prove problematic in the War on Free..errrr..Terror.

All I'm saying is, if your president starts walking round in an Ermine trimmed Cloak and a Gold 'n' Diamond hat, start getting worried. That's of course if you don't become a Theocracy under the religious right first.

On the other hand Prudence appears to be improving our slapdash, informal constitution (think of it like the halfway point of a student project, cobbled together research based ont eh original Magna Carta but nothing properly written down yet) by removing powers from the Prime Minister. Now brace yourself, this may come as a shock. I think this is awesome - that's right! I said something good about our governement! The rumour according to the Beeb is that our new PM is going to eliminate his power to declare war without the approval of parliament. Cool eh?

I hope the next US Pres reverses some of the awful damage Dubyah has done. He's pissed on the constitution, destroyed any reputation at all the US had in the International community, wrecked the US economy, treated veterans like dogs and any number of other things. They need someone who actually has the ability to read the job description and who has the spine not to surround himself with sycophants and cronies. I think the people really need to look at this tactic of ALWAYS re-electiing incumbants - whether it be to congress, senate or the Whitehouse - it clearly isn't the most genius of ideas!

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