Monday, January 29, 2007

The Feline plots continue....

I received this email today:

On 1/29/07, Cat Bloggers <> wrote:
Dear blog author:
We recently came across your site,, while searching for bloggers who blog about Cat issues.
A small group of us have started a new site called Cat Bloggers. Our intent is to bring Cat bloggers closer together, and make a positive contribution to the Internet community.
Would you be interested in joining Cat Bloggers? Please take a few minutes to have a look at what we are trying to do, and if you are interested, there is a sign up page to get the ball rolling. We would greatly appreciate your support in this endeavour.
If you do not feel that your blog would be a good fit for Cat Bloggers, but enjoy this subject area, come visit us and one of our member bloggers. You can also check our FAQ Section to learn more about Cat Bloggers.
We look forward to hearing from you and seeing you on Cat Bloggers.

Craig Cantin,

Cat Bloggers

Please note: you will receive this email no more than twice. If you do not respond to this email, we will send out a second and final email in approximately 3 weeks time. If you respond, by joining or by declining the invitation, we will not intentionally send this invite a second time.
You can join or visit
Cat Bloggers at any time, but we do not believe in spam, and will not intentionally send this invite more than twice. If you have any concerns regarding our anti-spam policy, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Obviously I was moved to reply...

from: Matt Jones

date: Jan 29, 2007 7:31 PM
subject Re: Invitation to Join Cat Bloggers

Dear Craig,

Thankyou for your email, sadly had you taken the time to read what it was I wrote about cats you wouldn't have contacted me about joining your coven for I fear that you are referring to the malignant so-called 'domestic' cat that plagues our fair planet. Unlike the more goodly 'Great' cats that aid humanity and the earth by hunting and killing the deadly Gazelles and Wildebeast that roam our wild places, the felines you support have other plans.

Indeed, I have revealed on my blog on several occasions how cat 'owners' (oh how these pitiful slaves delude themselves!) are really mindless Zombie Slaves to their cunning feline overmasters. No one can really fathom the goals of these pestilent creatures' Machiavellian schemes, suffice to say it is clear to those untainted that they are schemes of no benefit to mankind.

So tell your furry ball of mistrust that I shall not be joining you at or whatever your site is called, for my mind must remain free from the catty plague they spread, the mind-smog they imbue to their hapless drones! But I shall be watching, this is one human that will not be enslaved to work the catnip mines of the feline oppressor!



jet-lag does wonderful things to the mind.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Oooo Lookie! 300 posts!

OK, I'm in Pittsburgh! Huzzah! I lost my mobile in Cincinatti, booooo!

Find out about all the exciting thrills and spills here!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

More Kudos to the French

Continuing in my campaign to balance out bad publicity for the French:

Monday, January 08, 2007

Vote for me!

I was enticed to join this website after a brief email conversation with one of the organisers. He talked about honey badgers and monkeys so don't even pretend you could have resisted!

Anyway, I have the chance to win a posh new laptop if you vote for me and get all your friends to too! And if you register, you get a chance to win one just for entering.

Vote for me on Love To Lead

I know, it's clearly someviral marketing but do you really care? At least this is fun instead of some crappy surreal add that you have no idea what it means! Come one, it's shiny and it has buttons. I clearly need it.

Man's journey into space....

If you listen to so-called 'Scientists', 'Experts' and 'Facts' then sadly they would have you believe there is no chance of Man colonising space. Like Scientology, however, I am not constrained by your petty conventional logic. I am blessed with vision and an intuitive understanding of this matter.

It's clear to me that we will populate other worlds, initially with waste and debris but eventually as a race of people. We'll probably keep Earth as like a holiday home. Or possibly an industrial museum - it kind of depends which way things go over the next 50 years. Actually, it'll probably be more like a realistic industrial musuem - complete with accident claims. I imagine you'll have to put a deposit down for the HazMat suit that you know some sweaty bald guy has been wearing. Mind the puddle of acid on your way in. Voluntary donations welcome.

Our target planet will be like Majorca in the 50s. A nice sleepy place, full of natural beauty and glorious views. 10 years in it will be full of lardy, lazy morons getting annoyed because one of the local restaurants has the gall to sell something other than chicken in a basket.

We'll proceed to weed out all the crap wildlife - you'll be able to tell which these are as they are the ones we'll make extinct. Stands to reason - if they were any good we'd keep them right?

Now because we'll be populating these colonies primarily with lardy, shagging, gap-toothed idiots (most of the human race at that point), we'll need some kind of creature to do our bidding and do things like build infrastructure. Creatures that know no fear, creatures that are resourceful. Creatures that, when pressed, will go straight for the balls. In short, we'll need honey badgers.

Not just honey badgers of course, but a whole breed of giant Techno Honey Badgers. And possibly Robo-Monkeys, for getting things up in the purple tops of the alien trees. Luckily our own world would have helped mutate the creatures due to the masses of toxic waste left behind, we can add the robo bits later. Ultimately of course our thralls will turn on their erstwhile overmasters and send us to work down the honey and banana mines of neighbouring planets. Those of us that foretold these events and began paving the way for the glorious new age will be rewarded of course, its till not too late people! All prophets have 3 initials, just look at Scientology!



That's my new word for Holiday Log. It'll catch on just like the word Blog you wait and see!

Though the word Web hasn't been catered for, perhaps I should reconsider, I don't want to be regarded as a fool after all. WHolog. With a silent W. Or maybe a silent H.

Blhog. Now that's just silly. I mean if we put it in the order of words it would be 'Weblholidayog' and that just looks like it belongs in Jabberwocky.

Well, I'll think on it. Point is that, for reasons best known to myself, I have created another blog for my holiday stuff. The plan is to use it every time I go somewhere interesting on holiday, rather than force it on my regular reader here.

I'll probably lose interest at some point, but you can turn it into a fun game and run a book on 'What day will Matt stop blogging?'

I have it! It's snappy, and will catch on in no time! - 'A diary/photojournal of one's travels in foreign climes - updated as frequently as desire and available time allow - held in an easily accessible web-based online format for all (with internet access) to see'

The Wonderful thing about Tiggers

Is Tiggers are wonderful things

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Tuneful suggestions

I am on a bit of a mad purchasing spree at the moment, downloading tunes from AllofMP3. This is the site that the RIAA and BPI say is illegal but everyone without a vested interest says is fine. You pay for the music, you just pay Russian prices. The ironic thing is that the RIAA and BPI say the artists don't get paid, and this is absolutely true. What they fail to mention is that allofmp3 have a big pile of royalties waiting for the artists to collect, it's just that the RIAA and BPI won't let them collect it. The real argument is that the RIAA and BPI don't get paid.

The RIAA have lodged something like a 1.75 trillion dollar claim against allofmp3, 150K for each track - whether or not that music is for one of the labels they represent. The fact that it was lodged in the US and allofmp3 are in Russia appears lost on them.

Anyway, if you have any music that you think RAAAAAAWWWKS!, or is good in some other way, let me know! The great thing about the allofmp3 is that they let you listen to a sample before purchase, so even if you're wrong it costs me nothing! hehe.

All things are considered, classical to punk, electropop to thrash. Nothing modern claiming to be R&B though, because that shit isn't R&B - there may be rhythm but there certainly ain't no blues in 'I really want to sleep with you' or variations on that theme ' 'I really liked sleeping with you', 'I'd like to sleep with you again', 'I'm rich, you should sleep with me' etc etc.

Answers on a postcard. Or, you know, leave a comment.

[Edit] I don't kow whether Amy Winehouse comes down under Jazz, Soul or R&B. It's probably all 3. Having just heard some of her stuff (I live under a rock), and deemed it good I am willing to listen to other suggestions in these categories I may otherwise (and probably still will) have discarded for being 'modern'. Aren't I magnanimous?[/Edit]

Five things - I feel so popular.

I appear to have been tagged, and by none other than one of my old University lecturers Rob Miles. Thats not to say you're old Rob, merely that I knew you 'back in the day' as it were. Anyway, quite what this means, I'm not sure. From what I can tell, I copy what he did then link to 5 other blogs. I don't think I have to send any kind of mail or anything, relying entirely on the presumption that they will read my blog. The problem is I think most of the people I regularly read have far more popular blogsthan me and I have a distinct feeling that they have already done this. Well, tough! So here's five things about me, some of you will know but I am not a very interesting person so you'll have to just live with it!

1) At 17 I started working in a Citroen franchise where I worked for nearly 5 years, when I left to start a new slate I was 'Workshop Controller'. I still have no idea what this entailed.

2) After leaving the garage my education had to go on hold again because I suffered severe migraines and double vision, I went for an MRI with a suspected brain tumor. It wasn't of course, apparently the 5 part time jobs and college course were making me tired and turning my brain to mush. I am now lazy for medical reasons.

3) I own a few cuddly toys, all given me as gifts. My pride and joys are my Penfold beanie and ITV digital Monkeh! The beads are mine, but the T-Short came with him and says GSOH on it, which could mean 'Good Sense of Humour' or 'Gadget Shop Of Hull' who it was made for. I like the first suggestion.

Don't even try and lie, you know you're jealous.

4) When I was 11 I got hit by a car and broke my shin bone - the little one at the back of the leg not the big painful one. 'Got hit' isn't wuite right. 'Ran out in front of' is probably a more accurate description of events. There was an articulated lorry behind the car that hit me, so every cloud.

5) I spent a brief period in the ATC (Air Training Corps) when I was in my early teens, had I stayed in I would have done cool stuff like gone gliding and stuff. Sadly I learned (perhaps inaccurately) that I couldn't become a helicopter pilot because I wear glasses, also my mind was somewhat addled by various substances and so the academic criteria also appeared out of my reach. So I left the itchy, RAF blue uniform after about 2 months. I would still like to fly a helicopter, but not the attack chopper of my teenage dreams. I think I would have far more fun flying low over Kent and reading the next day's Daily Mail to see if I could get more letters of complaint than 'illegal immigrant muslim robot devil worshippers runiing Christmas'.

OK so I now I tag some other people, think I'll go for Dave Morris, Martin, Olivia, Jo and Nick (to get the lazy sack blogging again!).

Friday, January 05, 2007


I haven't said this in a while but..... Fucking Windows! Why would you do that? At what point in your development did some evil little masochist, envious of our blemish free skin, pipe up at the dev meeting and say 'Hey! You know what would be really cool?....'

Allow me to elaborate. Nick came over with a PC carcass last night so we could make a PC for April's iTunes needs. The plan:

1) Matt orders an external hard drive (done)
2)Nick comes over with carcass
3)Matt moves all of the data on his 160GB IDE drive onto his primary SATA
4)Move IDE drive into carcass
5)Install Windows and iTunes
6)Deliver FrankenPC to April

Simple right? Well, no apparently.

I moved all my music and media onto my SATA drive, removed the IDE and proceeded to boot up my PC again. Or not. It kind of stopped on a black screen and refused to budge. I tried the Vista install disk and it looked like it was doing the same thing, only this time on a pretty blue screen.

We plugged the EMPTY IDE drive back in and it worked fine. After much prodding and poking we discovered the following (luckily Nick is a Windows expert!): The Master Boot Record, that is to say the thing that starts Windows, was installed on the IDE. The rest of Windows was where it was supposed to be ie: where I told it to be.

This is what happened and to be fair some of the blame has to go to stupid BIOS people who refuse to acknowledge the passing of the floppy disk drive or the prevalence of SATA despite being the BIOS for a SATA motherboard!

Nick thinks that BIOS has a preference for IDE devices, so when I put my Vista disk in it automatically defaults to putting the Boot record on the IDE device (despite it being set to Slave). Then it asks me where I want to install Vista, so the boot record is on one disk and the actual installation on another. Dumb ass thing! Anyway, after much cajoling and a remarkably lucid Windows recovery all is well.

After getting it to boot from the install disk (just needed to give it more time to get it to work) I started going through the recovery procedure which was long and irritating and involved several restarts and swearing. I should point out that this wasn't really Window's fault. The problem is that we didn't read the on screen prompts and advice when attempting the repair. And don't give me that 'typical man, never reads instructions!' garbage either, I read instrcutions I am just conditioned not to read Microsoft instructions. This is because they never make sense and I had no idea that they had decided to make Vista in such a way as to make the error messages and prompts relevent to the things they are complaining about. It's a radical break from tradition.

In fairness, I've had ten years of 'There is an error in memory location 000HHXX1, please wear an old pair of gardening trousers whilst making an omlette' so it's hardly surprising is it?!

Anyway. It works again now and if I had paid attention to Vista, probably would have happened a lot sooner!

XP is kind of installed on April's machine though has decided to revert to Classic for reasons best known to itself. Tonight I shall be installing other things that will doubtless fall over. Friday night is party night.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Fine Dining

I've been told I can't go to Pittsburgh without trying the second most popular thing in the city. It's a culinary masterpiece called a Primanti's sandwich and Julie kindly highlighted it as must to any visitor to the Steel City.

Now I've engaged in some ambitious sandwich projects in my time. Usually when I am thinking 'I'll just have a sandwich to keep me going until dinner', at which point I put the entire contents of the fridge in between 2 slices of bread.


At the top of their sandwich menu are these words:

" All sandwiches are topped with french fries, coleslaw and tomato

Here's a slightly artier National Geogrpahic pic:

So while I am expanding at a slow but inexorable rate at the moment, I have a feeling I am goign to be dieting in February. I had already decided to drink nothing but water all that month but I just know I am going to eat Primati's for every meal while my arterys scream out in protest. It looks like the perfect hangover food to me, they even do chili coleslaw - it would be rude of me not to!

When in the 'Burgh, do as the Yinzers do....*

*The management would like to make several apologies to you, the long suffering reader.

1) We here at RantAMatt would like to apologise for the unwarranted use of dialect and/or slang that the author has no right using. You're not from there, don't use the slang - you just look a dick!

2) The 'banging on about Pittsburgh holiday' issue has been raised at a board level, we are currently trying to contractually oblige the author to a maximum of 1 in 2 posts on the subject in an effort to reign in the relentless barrage

3) Altering a well known phrase or saying in order to appear witty is neither clever nor funny. The Rome reference would have been understood by all. The author will be duly flogged.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Techno-Surgery with Dr Matt!

It's not nearly as exciting as it sounds but I thought a post should have at least a pretense at something interesting, so in this case the interesting bit is the title.

I'm tinkering this evening. I'm archiving, formatting and removing one of my hard drives so I can donate it to the PC Nick has put together for April. Then tomorrow it gets a Windows install and iTunes. Then she will have to learn how to use it herself and I can be done with itunes forever....FREE! FREE I tell you! muahahahahahaha!

Obviously I am not going without, I found an excellent deal on an external drive that helps me kill two birds with one stone. I now have somewhere to store all of my media, so I don't have it spread out over several partitions due to various Windows installs and the subsequent backing up of data. Also I can use it when I go on holiday (not long before you stop hearing about it honest! Only a month or two...) for photos and loading my Zune - score for me!

I am also intending working out how to get the camera to do clever things and produce good pictures, I predict that this endeavour will result in various blurred captures that could really be anything from a hippopotamus to a plate of spaghetti.

So be prepared that I may be claiming to be from the impressionist school of holiday snappers upon my return!

10 days..

Before the USA is afflicted with me! Don't worry though, I will continue to irritate my two European readers as I am pretty confident I will be blogging and posting photos from the Steel City. I am hoping to work out how to take good photographs before I go, failing that you'll have to put up with the same old crap that you've come to expect from my blog.

On the other hand, a burst of quality might frighten you away - people do fear change after all.

There is no point to this, I just felt I should write something.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

No to 2007!

And this over is why I like the French (unless they work for RTE).

Monday, January 01, 2007

Basic Technological needs

I rearranged my room the other day, moved the XBox in so that the front room was given back over to TV kinda stuff (before the flatmate lost the will to live).

I looked at the setup afterwards and it occurred to me that I could possibly be accused of going a tad far in the pursuit of stuff.

OK, so maybe there is something wrong with me - ostensibly this is just for my room in the flat. On the other hand, chances are I won't be living here and with the same flatmate indefinitely so it could be argued that I am future proofing myself!

Another bonus is that everything wires through that TV so hopefully pretty soon everything will be hooked up, including the cable TV. I only watch the rugby and comedies really but all the same....

OK, you're right. There's something wrong with me. After teh Zune I am taking a techno-sabbatical before the bank account notices I have used most of my savings!

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