Monday, January 05, 2009

WARNING: Don't confuse the sleepy Matt!

So I've had to come into work this morning at, hmmmm let me see...... oh yes - STUPID O'FUCKING CLOCK!


For reasons I won't go into we have to turn things off sometimes to do things to the system and we have to do that outside working hours. When we do this, part of my job is to come in and do various things when its brought back up*. Fine. It's a necessary evil sometimes. This time made more evil by the fact that I forgot and stayed up watching the NFL playoffs last night. Then listened to some podcasts. Yeah, no one is cleverer than me.

I left the flat at a little before IT'S STILL FUCKING DARK FOR FUCK'S SAKE! and stood outside, looked around. Frowned. Went back into my flat, retrieved my phone, went backoutside. Stood. Frowned. Everything was all white and the snow was still falling, this was very unexpected.

Don't get me wrong, it's January, it's Britain. There's always that chance of snow. But on the other hand, it's January, it's Britain and for the last fortnight I haven't had every single person I've spoken to say 'They've promised snow' or 'They reckon it's going to snow'. No word of the identity of the shadowy and mysterious 'They' who, apparently, have the power to deliver snow on a whim**. There are of course people who are more confident in their own weather divination abilities and choose not to rely on the sage predictions of 'They', these are the people who will offer 'I reckon it's going to snow', 'It could snow this year' (Oh we thankyou for that precise and dire warning Nostra-fucking-damus) and my personal favourite 'It's too cold to snow'. Too fucking cold?! Are you a mentalist?! What the hell is going on at the Poles, baby penguin dandruff?!

So I was unprepared, any change in weather of this nature in this country is preceded by your average Brit becoming uncommonly interested in the weather, devoting large portions of otherwise completely avoidable conversation to the subject. It would be OK if these people sought eachother out but no, they choose to share their arcane weather knowledge with innocent and evidently uninterested people. Seriously, leve me the fuck alone - I have a window and access to the internet, I'm not going to rely on you for my weather predictions. These are the same people who talk in road numbers and take an unhealthy interest in your travel plans.

Cock: You're going back to Wales this weekend then?
Me: Yup
Cock: Which way are you going?
Me: I thought I'd head towards Wales
Cock: haha! I mean are you going via the M40 and taking the A48986 whogivesafuckbypass next to shitsville, or the A64309 whogivesatoss route? Course you could always take the B23617! Hahahaha!
Me: Don't make me hit you.
We live in a country that is the size of a peanut, leave me the fuck alone.

Anyway I digress. I am now in work and my body is going to think that it's lunchtime at 9am. As you can tell, I am keeping up my usual chipper and optimistic outlook.

*Not nearly as bad as the people who have had to be here since 11pm last night doing actual work as opposed the bullshit I'm here for.
**Which begs the question why they don't deliver some in September, you'd think they'd get bored delivering around the same time every year and would want to introduce a bit of variety. Would fuck those tossers who walk around shirtless, drinking Kestrel Super Strength up good and proper.


the projectivist said...

yeah - i never got that whole
It's Too Cold For Snow Rule
but i used to just nod and pretend that i knew what on earth they were talking about.

and despite having worked at the AA, i'm totally useless at remembering all of those road numbers. your friend Mr Cock could have been making them up, just to sound impressive to himself.

Wow, that was awkward said...

See - snow!! Go find a hill and some cardboard and have fun with it!!

Olivia said...

Ewww, there's little worse than going to work in the dark. I would rather stay very very late, than get up that early to go in.

MattJ said...

proj - I think it's a latent autism specifically affecting people with the 'no personality' genetic marker

wtwa - Sadly I live in SE England. They have one hill here from what I can tell.

'livvy - Sadly I'm currently doing a little from column A and a little from column B. I didn't rock up until 10:30 this morning though.

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