Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Don't work for big companies

But if you do, for God's sake don't make yourself useful. There is a 4:1 WhatTheFuckDoYouEvenDo:PeopleWithRealJobs ratio in most large organisations, the more you fall into the PeopleWithRealJobs category, the more the WhatTheFuckDoYouEvenDo category will rope you into meetings and teleconferences to do one of 3 things:

1) Pretend to know what they are talking about, ask banal questions aitr 'concerns'. All of these things will be preceded by the phrase 'What concerns me...'

2) Repeat what was said at the last productivity black-hole

3) Arrange the next productivity blackhole

Seriously, there are a bunch of people here who's sole purpose seems to be to arrange and attend teleconferences. I've been working on some things here for about 6-8 months and now I am talking to these people who are clearly completely out of their depth.

I've arranged the next raft of teleconferences for Friday.

In other news, I have the day off on Friday.


Jo said...

Now THAT is the evil genius I expect from you, Matt! Way to go!

MattJ said...

Thta's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Olivia said...

Well, y'know, it's not easy complimenting a grumpy old bugger.

FieldEffect said...

My favourite is the person who claims not to know something that everyone knows has been brought up at the last 15 weekly phone conferences, and uses the fact that it wasn't added to the minutes as evidence. I find offering to compile the minutes extremely satisfying. Nobody ever checks them and you can basically rewrite history. What? You say you didn't assassinate archduke franz ferdinand? But is says you did in the minutes! :)

FieldEffect said...

And you know, if you really want to publish daily you should really get your crowd on to twitter. Then i'd have someone to talk to as well.

MattJ said...

I'm on twitter, but as it's essentially status updates, it would consist of one of two things:

1) At work
2) Going to bed.

Here I dont have a word limit :p

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