Friday, December 09, 2005

Quality Control

Matt Industries Inc. would like to apologise for the woeful standard of the last blog entry. Usually there is an element of wit, sarcasm and/or insults in our posts and we are shocked and saddened by the author's reliance on second-hand material as 'Filler' for this particular installment. We do not, of course, refer to the excellent 'E-mail from a vaccuous Moron' indirectly contributed by Mr Roberts. His tale and his penmanship rescued what otherwise would have been a post of terrible laziness and lameness. This post can only have served to to be deeply damaging to the reputation of Matt Industries Inc.

The post was so lazy, in fact, that the Porsche 911 Design Team were prompted to send a strongly worded email to the Author:

Dear Usurper,

My colleagues and I were happily browsing the internet today when we stumbled across your so-called 'Web-Log'. We noticed, in particular your latest post entitled 'Mistakes were made'. Indeed they were sir! A very big mistake indeed! Imagine our Horror when we discovered the 'Content' of the said post, nothing but reproduced material! Just because we here at the Porsche Body Design Lab are so soporifically lazy that sloths shake their heads in shame, it does not follow that we are also stupid! You seek to challenege us in the competitive world of bone idol wasters? Us, the supreme champions of being paid to do bugger all!

Well let me tell you that it's not as easy as it looks, your laziness lacks the finnesse and class that we have spent decades perfecting. It's all very well cut and pasting other peoples words but can you change a single word and convince people that it is something entirely new? No! You can't! You would be found out in an instant! Where as we at Porsche spend years 'developing' a new 911. The Engines are re-engineered, the wheels carefully designed, the suspension calibrated for optimum performance and the chassis made with the strongest and lightest materials that can be found! Then the work of my team can begin. We carefully take out the previous shell design and Tip-Ex out the date. We then carefully fill in the next roll-out date ovver teh whited-out area. We photocopy the work, and presto! A new model 911 is born!

This is an art that has been perfected over many years, leaving us time to engage in higher pursuits. This blog entry has shattered the peaceful harmony of our pre-launch lives, a harmony we need before the hustle and bustle of the busy photocopying week. That rear spoiler doesn't get a slight angle change by itself you know! Steve is particularly upset as your post distracted him so much he failed to beat his high score on Tetris. We demand an immediate and public apology for this denegration of our fine art!

Yours in disgust,

The Porsche 911 design team

We are moved by this emotional letter and would like to assure all those at Porsche and, indeed, others who have been aversely affected by the offending article that this will not happen again. We would also like to offer a whole hearted and uncompromising public apology and ask only that you give us, here at Matt Industries Inc., one more chance. We will not fail to deliver on your faith! No reproduced article will fail to be accompanied by appropriate effort on the author's part.

We thank you for your time.

1 comment:

Olivia said...

You mean to say you're so important that Porsche ties its knickers in knots if you don't do a high-quality blog???
Cool ;)

No, you really are trying to bump your picture down. Pfff.

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