Sunday, July 27, 2008

Americans say the funniest things....

I know it's clichéd to take the piss out of Americans but there is no getting around the fact (or indeed the woman, not without a map, compass, climbing equipment and a few days rations) that this woman was American, so there isn't a lot I can do about this.

We were at a Starbucks in Niagara, Nick and I. We just sat down to drink our beverages next to a family of Behemoths balanced precariously on the surprisingly sturdy chairs. The smallest one had evidently been elected to go order the beverages because the matriarch of the group was doing her best impression of what the Harpies in Jason and the Argonauts would sound like if they were from the deep south. The call was to attract the attention of her long suffering daughter (I assume it was her daughter, she was a smaller, younger sphere with a similar face) to make a request for her beverage:

"Don't forget to ask for mine extra hot!"

I'm sorry if this is a common thing that I am ignorant of but......what?! I! OK, my understanding is that the water comes out of the thing virtually in a vapor, that's right isn't it? Does she want to chew the beans and suck on the steam nozzle? Someone explain this to me, please. Are there an elite few coffee drinkers who scoff at us poor saps who have to deal with merely scalding beverages?

These aren't rhetorical questions, I need to know. Maybe it wasn't a family of big fat fatties but they'd been artificially inflated by the steam from there extra hot coffees? I didn't see them tethered down but they could have had particularly heavy shoes they'd had specially made?

inquiring minds need to know


Anonymous said...

Should we be in any way inclined to give this woman the benefit of the doubt, then I would assume that she, like many other saps in almost any café on the planet (excluding many in Paris) are used to getting luke warm coffees and teas from staff that couldn't give a monkies about their customers. Therefore she was, I hope, simply pre-empting such an event in a manner somewhat more charitable than "oi, gimp face, how about actually boiling the kettle before you make my drink?"

Or Americans have dregrees of "hot" as they do degrees of "awsome".


MattJ said...

Sadly I don't think so my friend, in places like this the coffee is made fresh and the water used comes not from a kettle but from a big steam spout thingy that is a part of the coffee making apparatus. :p

Jo said...

Hey now, Fam. Don't criticize the many degrees of "awesome."

"Extra hot" is a common order here because most often the milk for espresso-based drinks comes straight out of the refrigerator, so it, when mixed with hot coffee, makes a lukewarm drink. Steaming the milk for a bit longer will make a milk and espresso drink "extra hot."

MattJ said...

Curse you and your sensible answers! :D

I agree about the degrees of awesome. I personally like to use the phrase more awesomer, its so pleasingly grammatically incorrect :D

Olivia said...

Jo, you and your sensible answers are awesome!

MattJ said...

Liv your grammar is terrible. What you mean to say is 'Jo, you and your sensible answers are well more awesomer!'.

Olivia said...

Don't you mean my "grammer"? LOL

Jo said...

As an editor, I'd like you all to know that I throughouly sanction the use of -er as a suffix with all adjectives.

That's what makes me awesomer.

That is all.

MattJ said...

I'd also like to make the case for the awesomeness of the -ness suffix and also -ing in certain instances.

In case lesser mortals are worried about these things fitting into a beautifully crafted sentence :

Suffixing words with more awesomer bits improves their aceness.

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