Monday, July 27, 2009

Open letter to gym-dwellers


How are you doing? Yeah, that's it - you guys in the corner. Yeah the ones who camp out, seemingly permanently, at the free-weights bit of the gym. Seriously, tear your eyes away from the mirror for a moment, I have a little request.

I totally get that you're all ripped and whatnot, and the only way for you to maintain that 'bee sting allergy' look you've got going on is to live in the gym. That's fine. I don't even mind that the 20 minutes that I spend in that particular part of the gym seems to be an affront to you. Honestly, it's fine - I'm looking in the mirror whilst I do exercises, and watching an unfit man trying to get fit is not a pretty sight.

The only thing I have a problem with, and it's only a few of you, is that hoarding thing you do with the dumbells. Seriously, I'm flexible - I'm quite happy to go a bit heavier or a bit lighter if what I need is unavailable but surrounding yourself with every weight from 4KG to 18KG..... Only Vishnu and Ganesha need that many weights!

Even this would be no trouble for me if, when I come over and ask if you are done with a particular weight thats been sat at your feet for 10 minutes, you didn't look at me as if I was forcing you to eat your first born. I'll be 5 mintues, I promise I won't run away with it.

No of course I won't say this to your face! I'll politely go about my business. I lack humility and I lack shame, I do not lack the desire to keep my insides on the inside.

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