Kindergarten Hops

I'm sorry, I know, even as puns go this one is lame. When I care I'll be sure and let you know.

A story that the BBC are running today is talking about underage drinking, one of our national sports. Now I know there are serious issues here about alcopops and the like and a whole host of other issues.

To be honest though, my blog is becoming a bit dull so I'd rather take the piss if it's all the same to you? The sentence that made me laugh in this story was this:

"t is currently illegal to give an alcoholic drink to a child under five except under medical supervision in an emergency."

What kind of emergency?! At what point are you going to be in a public place, with a small child collapsed on the floor, surrounded by paramedics with one shouting 'Is there a Bartender in the house?! This boy needs a flaming Sambuca STAT!'?

And what constitutes an emergency? What if the child is particularly privileged and he is eating Stilton, surely he has to wash it down with a half decent Port?

I am desperately avoiding the issue here because the whiners in this particular tale have completely missed the point, there are far wider issues affecting children than whether they are given a glass or beer with a meal. Even from a laymen's perspective, the areas where kids are most likely to comem under the umbrella of 'Alcohol abuse' will be the same areas that have massive teen pregnancy (not massive teenagers who are pregnant....though I guess some are.....) and high levels of drug abuse. Fining parents is not going to solve anything, how about fining the people responsible for the Socio-Economic state of those areas? Some might suggest there is some link between behaviour and environment.

Ok, so much for the avoiding the issue.... back to the fun! OK, next time I promise - nothing but bollox!

Little Secrets

Very little in fact. Tiny little secret. Specifically my little friend Sam told me a little secret that I had to keep until today. Little in size, not in magnitude - huge secret about a very little thing.


LOOKIT!


Anyway, this isn't something I would normally get excited about but Sam is about the closest thing I have to a sister, and she RAWWWWWKS! As do her whole family (who are basically mine and vice versa). This means I am allowed to abandon my usual curmudgeonyness and be happy. Also because i know Sam and Niall will be awesoem parents, not the rubbish ones that appear to dot our land!

Anyway so congratulations to Sam and Niall and also on their upcoming houseness!



Sam is the tiny one on the right. It's a funny perspective trick, she had to stand really close to the camera while Niall stood 20 feet behind her. Bless her tiny tiny cotton socks.

2007 WIllpower Useage

I used it all yesterday and I'm feeling pretty good about it to be honest. I had the results of my performance review yesterday, they were good but not as good as I would have liked. Normally I am quite self-critical but I know I did enough over 2006 to at least be considered for a better rating, and I provided my Staff Manager with enough ammunition to argue my case. Ultimately he couldn't be arsed and tried to blame my colleagues on the project I work on. He then proceeded to reveal how he had sabotaged my training requirements, again because rather than argue the business case I had laid out for him to get me on a useful accredited course, he booked me onto some bollox internal crap that will make me want to kill the trainer. Now to get the course I want I have to promise to extend another year on the project I am currently on, which limits my options for another year.

I was quite mad yesterday, not because of the rating so much because it was still quite good, but because they guy who is supposed to help me with my career has revealed himself to be a useless, lying gobshite. I suspected as much last year, but I had only been here 6 months so worked on all the things he told me to work on. Anyway, I digress.

Normally when I'm annoyed I would go for a drink andor buy something shiny or clothes or something else 'permanent' and new - along with a take away. I went into town at lunchtime yesterday, after successfully not stabbing my SM in the face with a biro (score for me!). While there went into a clothes store and picked up several shirts and a pair of jeans. Then I remembered my plans, and was not going to let The Man knock me off track! I also avoided buying a couple bottles of Pinot at Sainsbury's, a Subway, a DVD and a new computer game.

I did end up spending some money, but that was for Save the Children so it's allowed. Ultimately, I felt a lot better having defeated The Man's attempts to make me break my previous day's commitments. I know that's the true reason behind the performance of my SM and the company, they can't fool me!

In other news, I appear to have nothing on this weekend. I don't mean I'll be naked you filthy perverts, merely that I have no plans. If you're lucky there may be progress on the website. It's unlikely but you never know ;)

Moving on.....

On the way back from Wales on Sunday I made some decisions. The main one was that I could really do with a car. It does pain me to say it, but right now getting to and from the places I want to go is worse than pulling teeth - especially given that I usually have to travel back on a Sunday.

I haven't owned a car in over 5 years, I haven't needed one. Most people who tell you they NEED their car are talking out of their arse. Cars are a convenience for almost everyone who owns one, so don't tell me that you NEED it. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a thing against drivers, I have a thing against whining drivers who lie.

Especially anyone who owns anything 4*4 who lives in a town. You are an idiot and have no right to any opinions, especially where cars are concerned. I'm serious, shut up - I don't care how steep your drive is go and buy a car or a people carrier you inconsiderate arsewipe.

Incidentally, has anyone noticed how the bigger the car/Chelsea tractor outside a school, the smaller the insignificant nymph that is spat forth from it?

Anyway, I digress. Travelling back on a Sunday is generally like pulling teeth. I am also seeing a lot less of people that I want to see, mainly due to the fact that it costs the best part of £100 before I even arrive. Then I'm at the mercy of timetables, and a variety of interesting reasons for trains not running. I don't need a car, but I do want one.

There are other reasons that will make it convenient - if I move jobs or locations then having something of my own to transport things makes it easier. Equally for work travel etc. It would be a convenience and it would mean I could see all the people I've seen over recent weeks more often, as well as people like Emi who I haven't seen in an absolute age.

OK, so that was quite dull, but I got to ditch this stuff before fun and laughter can resume!

So - I have devised various cunning methods in order to gain the necessary monies for said vehicle, all of them revolving around not actually spending everything I earn. It'll be tough but I have some money saving initiatives:

1) Stop writing off a portion of my wages for XBox360/gadget related expenses.

2) Stop drinking when in the pub - This doesn't mean I give up alcohol, simply giving up alcohol when going for a 'casual drink'. I live in Surrey, this is a minimum of 20 pounds a time because apparently they brew everything in Platinum vats. I am not going to tell you how much money I worked out I spend on 'going for a pint' every week. It's shocking.

3)Eat food before it returns to life and makes a bid for freedom. Like a lot of people, a lot of food I buy ends up thrown away. I must return to studentdom and plan my food buyingness ratehr than shop hungry like I always do!

This coupled with other things will ensure I get a half decent car, I have picked one of the uglier French cars as my probable targets, but basically something about the size of a Focus.


*********************************************************

This is going on a bit, sorry - nearly done.

I nearly fell over at the first hurdle. I love my camera but it's too big to take out to the pub and stuff with me, or just to carry around. It's one of those you go somewhere to use, rather than use when you end up somewhere. So I decided I need a compact one but cunningly my phone contract is up for renewal which gives me a free upgrade. So I am going to use my proper phone for phone-ness, then if I go out I will use a new camera-esque phone (like Sony Ericsson) for pubbing etc. this completely contradicst something I wrote on Julie's blog earlier but it's not the same thing damnit! (IT'S NOT!). This isn't going to be a camera-phone. It will be a camera with a ring tone.

Piss off, I'm British - we make a career out of hypocrisy.

One, some or all of the above?....

I have been lame I know, but I been so busy! And not busy too...

Anyway, I've been fairly active and stuff has happened, however I don't want to write a big long essay right away so what i have decided to do is list the things I've been up to of late and you can decide which you want to hear about and in what order! I am a genius - do you see what I did there? I will also be providing you with an up to date post too though so don't worry, I will still ramble a little ;)

OK so when did I loast post?......Oh Ok. Errr OK.

Right so I left you with my so far non-existant website. The week after that was mental busy at work, and basically that is all I did until the weekend:-

Friday 30th -> Monday 2nd April - One of my best friends from home Mike came to visit - He had to leave his Harris Hawk alone for a few days, which was risky cos last time he did that it decided that Slug was it's new primary food source and made himself quite poorly.

Easter Weekend - thursday met up with Rich Brewood, one of my old housemates who I hadn't seen in nearly 2 years - me, him and his sister ate at an excellent thai restaurant on Good Friday then went to watch Richard Herring do stand up at the Arts Theatre in London - it was awesome.

Last Weekend - Got a lift home to Wales, saw lots of family and friends, watched Mike's band play, got a riode in Jonny Shaw's new Lotus Elise - which was amazing because Jon is one of these people who women throw themselves at so it was good he fit me into his 'making women's clothes fall off' schedule. It was good to see him and Pedr again.



OK so if you're interested in any, all or none of that vote now and I will elaborate over the coming days! Otherwise we'll move on lol!

Correspondance from beyond the grave.....

OK, so the site wasn't quite as easy to play with as I'd thought. It would have had abasic structure if I didn't spend ages trying to work out how to get into the blog engine. As it is I may need to look elsewhere for things to hack. If I get out of work before 8, I promise I'll post this everning!

Checking the Pulse

I'm still here I promise! I have quite a few updates but I am going to see if I can get the new blog up and running today, if I can I'll put stuff there - if not watch this space lol!

Prepare for the new Rant Order!

I've just bought a domain name and a nice bit of internet out in the country. When it's ready, me and the blogs will be moving. It's best to do it now while the oldest is still a just a couple of years old.

Why? It's mainly so I can do some technical thngs, I haven't really touched any for years with the job I have and so I am going to try and find time to learn outside work. Also I have never done webbyness before, so I am gonna give it a go and see what I can pick up.

It'll probably be months before I work out what the hell I doing anyway, but I thought I would let you all know that there may very well be a shiny new site for you to visit! All I need to do is work out how to code webby things, PHP and MySQL. Easy.

Update: I now have an under constrcution page. I didn't realise until today how long its been since I did anything technical, I have a feeling the 'Under construction' page will be there for some time to come lol! Anyway it's here.

Notes on the weekend....

Just so you know I am still alive ;)

I'm still pretty busy at work, hence the paucity of entries of late, so apologies for that!

Friday - I didn't do much Friday night so that's short and sweet for you. Unless you count ridding Pacific City of baddies with my super-human Crackdown man on the XBox 360. Oh and I found some old Comedy Store shows that I watched, with the beginnings of Marcus Brigstocke's 'David Blaine - Git Wizard' material. I particularly enjoyed the story of the man who flew a R/C Helicopter carrying a burger past Blaine's box. Also the description of him as 'A shameful waste of blood and organs'.



Saturday - Saturday I spent making my room fit for human habitation as my old housemate Laura was coming to visit. Technically she was visiting her grandparents in Cobham, which I live near - but lets just let my ego have it's moment of glory shall we?

My amazing planning skills didn't let me down, and my night out with about a dozen people evaporated throughout the day with various people not getting in touch and me losing the will to live. To be honest, the good people of Pacific City needed my strong brand of law enforcement far more than those ingrates needed my help to organise a piss-up anyway. It got to a point where it was looking like we couldn't make until fairly late on anyway, and transport back is always crappy so we decided to hit the local. This helped increase our drinking time by a couple of hours, and also meant there was less chance of us getting lost on the way back.

Anyway, small bunch of us went to the local and got drunk - me and Laura got back into stride with catching up and insults and basically had an awesome night. She's promised to sneak down without telling her grandparents next time. I'm not sure this lying fits in with my Law Protecting credentials, but as it is not taking place within the bounds of Pacific City, its entirely outside my jurisdiction.

SundayYesterday (after morning patrol obviously!) I spent my time evenly divided between eating bacon sandwiches (Maple cured...mmmmmmmm!), watching Comedy Store stuff and playing on my DS.

Now here's the thing about that. You know how people talk about Dog Years? Like 1 human year is equivalent to 7 dog years? Well that's how me and my people are with gadgets. Basically, 1 Gadget Freak month is equivalent to 7 Human Months. So when I buy a new gadget or game, I'm really excited for about a week (if that) before it becomes an addition to my 'stuff'. Hence my current attempts to cut back you see.


The exception to this rule is the Awesomeness that is the Nintendo DS Lite. To cut a long story short - before my Pittsburgh trip I ordered Age of Empires for my DS, it didnt arrive and I forgot about it. However it did eventually arrive but as I have not been on any long journeys has remained unplayed, until yesterday. Now I was sat in my room, surrounded by lots of gaming power (PC, enormous TV and 360). Specifically I was sat there playing ona hand-held console. And this is the power of that thing, it is just mind blowingly good. I have had it for about 6 months or more, and I still love it and use it - in Human time this is about 4 years. Seriously people, I lost about half my Sunday to this thing.

I should highlight that these days it's quite rare for me to lose such large amounts of time to a single game - even the fine upstanding people of Pacific City only received and hour or two of my benevolent, law upholding violence at any one time.

Which leads me on to how I deal with the morning after the night before. Generally it involves snacking, sugary drinks, sugarless tea, pork based 'meals' and TV shows. By TV Shows, I mean stuff that I can watch continuously throughout the day, there is nothing like a good vegging day after a night out. This 'one item to focus on' method is probably why Age of Empires suited so perfectly yesterday. After I helped the original Crazy Frog - Jeanne D'Arc - liberate Orléans, I decided to call it a day - tonight I complete the campaign by leading the Dauphin, Charles VII, to Reim to be crowned King of France. Incidentally, sequels are usually crap but in Chuck's case, number VII was a totally the best episode.

Anyway, I'm rambling now, this was only meant to be a short post but has turned into an epic.

Help, I can't feel my face!

OK, so I went for a couople of well deserved beers after work yesterday, got there about 6:30. I only had like 4 pints, then we headed back to the flat, so it was still only about 8-8:30 at this point.

Anyway, I decided I would knock a chilli up, which I duly did. I did make a couple of errors in judgement, chief amongst these was the fact that I had some fairly good chilli powder in stock at last. It's not great but better than the usual supermarket junk.

The problem here was that I was currently used to using the supermarket stuff, and suplementing that with things with actual flavour and kick. Anyway, long story short - I used too much chili powder. This had the effect of me gettting some taco shells, cheese, tomatoes etc. Then preparing my plate with all the bits I'd need to enjoy my meal.

The I sat down in front of Bremner, Bird and Fortune and began to enjoy my meal. By 'enjoy' I of course mean 'experience stroke-like numbness in half my face'. It was like having a chemical peel inside my mouth.

Don't drink and Spice folks, it ruins lives.

Terry's Chocolate Orange

It's crap.

Thosw of you of a foreign, barbaric persuasion may not be aware of this confection. It's a Milk Chocolate oragnge chocolate that comes in the shape of an orange. You give it a whack and unwrap it and it is all in Orange-esque segments.

I remember seeing ads as a child thinking that this must be extra special stuff!

I went to Budgens the other day and saw that it was on special offer if you bought 2, and they also had a dark chocolate variety. I don't buy a lot of chocolate but as i stood there it occurred to me that I had never actually bought one of these things - I have a vague recollection of trying a bit of one. Anyway, i bought one of each and stuck em in the fridge.

I tried 'em today and to be fair to Terry's - the advertising is superb cos the chocolate, while nowhere near Hershey's bad, is certainly worse than Nestle.

Anyway, short post - Terry's chocolate orange is poo.

The Front Bottom Monolgues???!

Some school girls in New York got suspended from school for using the 'v' word during a recitation from the Vagina Monologues. Let me just say that again. Some school girls in New York got suspended from school for using the 'v' word during a recitation from the Vagina Monologues.

The story is here.

Now the school is saying that they were suspended for disobeying orders, rather than what was said. The specific order being 'When you do your recitation of the Vagina Monologues, don't say Vagina'. I wonder how the introduction was supposed to go?....

Thing is, I've watched the Vagina Monologues - a performance given by the author I believe - on Channel 4. Now I appreciate I am a man and therefore according to this piece of work basically equivalent to syphilis, but I have to say I didn't think much of it. I just really think that it's one of those things that is successful because of its controversy rather than its artistic merit. Any male equivalent would be immediately crucified. Luckily that would never happen outside the realm of comedy (Talking Cock - Richard Herring - yes I am a child!). I vaguely remember hearing about a play with similar subject matter to the VM but done with far more subtlety and art and thought. I can't comment on it, I haven't seen it and can't even remember the name!

OK so here's the disclaimer - I'm a man. This play isn't aimed at me and I know there is an element of the audience for this thing that loves to feel that us men 'just don't get it' then shuffle off with a self-satisfied air. I'm not interested in you, I am interested in the people with a genuine opinion , as opposed to the ones who think 'this is about me, therefore I must say it is good'. I know I am not meant to get it, I was just offering an opinion and I'd be glad to hear yours.

I am also perfectly aware that as soon as women work out a way of taking the lids off jars, men are effectively obsolete (think I nicked that off someone).


Right, back to the New York thing. Why were these kids banned from using an anatomically correct medical term in a school? I can understand them censoring the witty and incisive part of the play where the woman on stage shouts 'C***!' for about 15 minutes. But the dreaded 'V' word? What happens in biology class in these schools? Do they have a diagram of a Stork?

I'm genuinely fascinated by this, banning the vocalisation of a word that is in the title of what you are presenting. Were the school hoping that their education provision was so appalling that none of the audience was able to read the flyers? Seriously, someone help me out here cos I am struggling!

Quiet Drink....

It appears that our gentle reunion drink near Victoria tomorrow has taken on a life of it's own. So far Dr Robotnik has developed an entourage of at least 2, Nim the Tart will have a posse of indeterminate size and I've managed to persuade (for persuade, read inform) Shipley that he is coming along. In addition to this I appear to have got half the London element of my project to come along.

Happy days.

Forward planning - my very own Kryptonite

I swapped an on call day last Friday to this Friday so that i could go visit Hannah, completely forgetting that I also have plans this Friday to meet up with Niemesh the Uber-Tart and RoboMatt (or Dr Robotnik since he got his Phd). We haven't seen each other for ages and we need some post-work drink and merriment in order to slag off the firm and generally catchup.

I shall have to employ all my powers of persuasion in order to convince some other chump kind soul to swap out a Friday with me.....

More notes on Guitar Hero.....

It occurred to us that if you got Guitar Hero 2 with 2 guitar controllers - that allows one player to be guitar and the other to play bass. You then integrate that with Sing Star and Donkey Konga. Finally, add Dance Dance Revolution to the mix. You now have a band, complete with lead singer, backing vocals and even your own dance troupe!

You get all these games working together on XBox Live and you can have Battle of The Bands! mwahaahahahahah!

Of course there is an argument put forward by pedants and the socially adept that you could just learn instruments and form a real band. I do not let your petty "facts" ruin my logic!

PS

Kudos to Julie - check out her Rocking-ness!



After months of playing, she's truly made it. Don't forget us little people Julie!

Hannah, Guitar Hero and the Beginning of The End

So I went to visit my friend Hannah over the weekend. She is one of my best friends from Uni (I'm not 30 yet so am still allowed to use the term 'best friend'). I rarely get to go to Hull these days for reasons already discussed which means I haven's seen Emi or Astrid since about October, which is lame beyond belief.

So I got to Leamington Spa about 8-ish and we had to drop some stuff off, and Hannah needed to open her Christmas presents - she got an R/C pirate ship which made her very happy. I got Stopit and Tidyup on DVD along with the book of General Ignorance and a tom Holt book, which made me very happy. Hannah insisted on being called Captain though decided against the eye patch for the trip to the pub.

We then went to a great pub called Robin's well where we drank lots, mainly of Vodka Mules. It was great fun catching up and taking the piss out of each other and those around us until Hannah's constitution gave out and we needed to leave. We picked up Pizza from a fantastic pizzeria and stumbled homeward.

The next morning I got up and watched some DVDs, infuriating Hannah by deciphering her house mate's Remote control configuration - a task that has eluded all but the house mate concerned. What can I say? Some people are great artists or doctors, I am good with gadgetry.

I watched some Mighty Boosh,, which I love. Later in the day, the football was on. I' however, was otherwise occupied. I had a quick go on Guitar Hero II earlier that morning and decided I was going to borrow Nick's PS2 and get me the game. then learned that it was coming out for the XBox 360, only with a cooler looking guitar, more songs and the guitar would be wireless.

While the footy was on I went about ordering the 360 version using my mobile phone on the Play website. I am now waiting for the game to arrive and my social life to end. it's horrendously addictive, as described by Julie
.


PS2 version



360 version.

More later.

Checks and Balances

Since I got back from the US I've rarely seen my flat before 7pm on a week night, due to various things going on at work. This, for once, isn't a complaint it's just a fact. Changes to my team mean I'm either short handed or have relatively new and untrained people (I should point out that the team is only 3 big including me so it's not as grand as it sounds! lol). Add to that that the auditors are in, I've decided to to take on a bunch of other work that's unrelated to my role and that it is the end/beginning of the month and you have a perfect recipe for working late. It's awesome.

On the plus side I know when things quieten down a bit I'll pretty much be able to take a fair chunk of the lost time off in other places. I live a 20 minute walk from the office so it's easy enough as things go. Another downside is that my 1 man mission to increase the profile of the lesser celebrated Patron Saints days is going to take a blow as it's St David's day today and I originally planned to drink like some one was going to take it away whilst singing poorly (if at all) remembered Welsh songs.

I'll have to make up for it later in the year when George and Andrew come around, Paddy doesn't need my help (who according to the Dublin tour bus I was on a few years ago was, in fact, Welsh).

Tomorrow, I will leave a little early because am on a long overdue trip to harass my friend from University Hannah. She is currently up in Leamington Spa which is a location that defies all known rail laws. To get a return ticket to visit my friends in Hull is in the region of 90 quid, to get to Chester on the way home is about 65. To get to Leamington Spa is a bizarrely reasonable 16. This made me happy, though I imagine she will regret it.

Anyway, so I'm going up to drink and be merry and eat pizza. I think we have a Godfather Marathon planned too, which should be fun for me at least. I'm looking forward to it, I haven't seen her since well before Christmas. I'm long overdue a visit to Hull to see Emi, Astrid and some other friends too but right now I can't take any holiday time to make the journey long enough to outstay my welcome. There are plans in motion though.

In a couple weeks one of my old housemates, Laura, is coming down this way to visit her grandparents so we have a weekend planned there too, it'll be awesome to see her again. More drinks and more merriment! I'm hoping to organise a bunch of people into a night in Guildford as there are several people I've not seen around the area for ages, one or two of whom Laura knows too. I'll keep you posted. You're on the edge of your seats I can tell.

Just thought I would have a crack at a 'what I am up to' entry rather than the usual fare. Back to work.

The Balance

Having ranted and railed for the last few posts, I feel it's time to restore balance by talking about some things that don't annoy me. It's not as short a list as you might imagine.

1)

I really don't think I need to elaborate - look at how cool he is.

2)Curry - I like hot currys, but that's not to say they shouldn't be tasty. It's gotten to the point where I rarely order take out Indian food now because I order hot food, and I am guessing that because they generally cater for the moron 'how hot can I go?' market, they don't waste their time balancing flavour. As such I prefer making curry, though which one depends on who I am eating with. Curry is the don, but moderately intensive in required ingrediants, preparation and sometimes cooking time. Which leads me neatly on to...

3) Chili - Now this isn't the traditional thing I don't think. We've discussed before the use of chuck meat and non-beef based chilis in Texas and the like. I am happy to concede that what they do is the 'proper' thing and what I do is unlikely to approach what a chili is supposed to look like. However. All I need is a large onion, some kind of chili content (jarred and mashed, dried, fresh - whatever is to hand), some chili powder (I am using crap at the moment but rajah is my preferred), some cumin, some kind of beef stock or even marmite will do a good job, some tomato puree and some tinned tomatoes. Oh, and the minced beef. And kidney beans.

Now everything on that list is pretty much a stock item in my kitchen, all that needs to happen is to chuck it all in a pan in a certain order, add some water then simmer for about 2 hours or so. This is why Chili rocks, you make a whole load of it and a blind monkey could make a passable one.

4)Computers - I love to hate you. As infuriating as they are, it's amazing the stuff that you can amuse yourself with on a computer. Some people get home and watch the TV. I am a proper geek and I'm into all this 'on demand' stuff. I don't want to schedule my life around the TV guide, I want to pick the shows I want to watch and download them after they've been aired. So I do. Games are also obviously played in various forms. The sad thing is the amount of processing power I have but I end up playing www.addictinggames.com. Who cares?

Also, I get to listen to radio 4 comedy shows without having to listen to anything else on Radio 4.

5) Pubs - I mean places you can go for drinks with a group of people and sit down and have the kind of conversations you can only have over a drink. I do not mean bars with 1 seat available or where they are so packed as to be utterly repugnant. Busy is fine, but I don't go out just to drink - though that's fun too!

6) Penguins - who doesn't like penguins?

The list does go on, these are just a few of my favourite things. People don't feature cos you know who you are and, besides, most of them can't be arsed to read my ramblings - they get enough of it in the pub ;)

Now then. I'm allowed another dozen or so whining posts right?

Cash Whore

James Cameron really will do anything for money, I mean he'll make any old shit up. I love the fact that a film director is making 'Historic Announcements' that contradict all local, expert and received knowledge.

With one wave of his soulless, manipulative hand he dismisses the fact that the names he is wiffling on about were as common in Israel back then as John and Steve are in Britain today.

Don't get me wrong, the article isn't wrong in suggesting that cynics like myself love to see holes poked in the various religions around the world and the bizarre things that they believe in, I would just prefer it was done by someone with an ounce of credibility, not some Hollywood fact Prostitute.

One of my favourite lines from this article is that Cameron says "....the discovery of the tomb does not undermine the key Christian belief that Jesus was resurrected three days after his death....". His next shocker "My study of lapland and it's environs does not undermine the fundamental belief in Santa Claus" He also says that finding a grave marked mary next to the other names is like finding 'A grave marked Ringo next to George, John and Paul'. No James, it's like finding a grave marked Mary in a Catholic grave yard. Dickhead.

It's basically more tripe piggy backing on the success of the literary loose bowel water that is the da Vinci Code. Now of course the rabid religious masses with nothing better to do with thier time will be wailing and gnashing their teeth at how this film is the work of the devil, Cameron will win more plaudits for his interpretation of what I will call, for want of a better word, facts. In fact if people sit down and look at anything he has produced post-Aliens and look at it objectively, you'll realise that it's nothing but crap dressed in tinsel. Maybe that's a bad analogy, maybe dipped in gold would be better. And with a massive marketing team to distract you from poking it too hard so that you notice it goes 'squoosh' and smells a bit funny.

Sadly he knows how to work a crowd. This 'documentary' could be presented by Barny the dinosaur postualting that Jesus was a Rastafarian bisexual stripper and it would get massive ratings...........Actually that's a show I would watch.....I digress, point is content is nothing to this man. He clearly signed his creativity over to someone else after the post-production of Aliens was done.

The worst thing about this whole thing is that the media, thanks to Cameron, is going to beable to whip up more religious fervour about another piece of non-news. Lots of people are going to think they are very important and intelligent because they will be asked for their views. Even though they believe that the Bible is the EXACT word of God. This obviously entails believing that not only can a human live to be 969 but also that one man can build a boat that was:

...... taller than a 3-story building and had a deck area the size of 36 lawn tennis courts. Its length was 300 cubits (450 feet, or 135 meters); its width was 50 cubits (75 feet, or 22.5 meters); it had three stories and its height was 30 cubits (45 feet, or 13.5 meters).

And then proceed to fit 2 or 7 (depending on the animal) of every living thing on earth on to it.

As you can imagine, it doesn't take much to wind these people up.

In the words of the Sainted Linda Smith "I'm not religious, I get on with most people".

Men at Work

I've received complaints that I am complaining about politics too much lately. Oh and I've been absent from posting due to the fact I have been working longer hours down the salt mines lately and actually doing work while I am here. Shocking I know.

Anyway, you'll notice the hair post I put up that was started last week and only got published today. And today I have something else to complain about and that is people who dig holes in roads.

Invariably they choose to do this in the middle of a one way system at rush hour. I don't drive right now but the logic infuriates me. What's brought this on? I don't sleep well, so if I doze off before 1am this is a moral victory. Being woken up at 1:45am because someone is digging a hole in the road with a Pneumatic drill is likely to put me in a bad mood you see. Problem I have is getting to sleep - once I am there it's difficult to wake me up, however once I am woken up the whole sorry cycle starts again.

I'm not sure why they were doing it, I'm sure it was some kind of emergency because men in High Visibility jackets generally don't leap into action at that time in the morning. Actually 'leaping into action' isn't their bag at all, at any time of day. What did confuse me when I emerged from my flat this morning was that there was a huge hole in the road and not a single workman. When the rest of the world was going off to do their jobs, their work here,apparently, was done.

Now I've calmed down I have to say that, thinking back on it, it's quite funny hearing a man knocking holes in a road with a Pneumatic drill whilst trying to be as quiet as possible.