Monday, November 26, 2007

Post production

We recorded some stuff last night, and I don't think it's completely awful. Luckily Nick spoke for some of it so there are some actual facts in there. We did go through quite a lot and we are currently bumbling through a post production process so there is less of me and less random pauses.

Anyway, watch this space - we are organising some hosting as Nick seems to be under the misguided impression that people who aren't Olivia, Hannah and Pete will listen to us. The problem is, as I say, we weren't sure how much stuff we'd need as we assumed it would mostly be cut but as it turns out we are keeping a lot of it - and the editing is actually quite time consuming. So, it'll be here soon.

This will be a podcast of indeterminate length but we are going to try and keep it under 45 minutes for the most part and we are including handy chapters so you can skip the bits where I go off on a ramble. All comments, suggestions and pleas to make us stop should go to geeksnammo[at_symbol_here]gmail.com. This doesn't mean we are sticking with that as a podcast title, we just couldn't think of anything else!

[Addendum] Nick is in work from about 1am tomorrow and I am in from about 5am. It's unlikely we will do anything further with this until Wednesday night! I might see about putting a random audio clip up here that didn't make the edit in the interim.[/Addendum]

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Podcrastination

I've not been blogging, instead choosing to spend ridiculously long hours at work. That's right, no one knows how to have a good time better than me.

Anyway. Podcasting, it is happening and soon with our semi-official, first recording happening on Sunday (possibly, maybe). Current working title is the 'Where the F*!K is my Macbook?!' edition. Unless of course Apple pull their finger out.

I thought I needed to post something, you are all getting a little too interested in the mechanics of the forbidden love between man and velocipede.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Invasion of Privacy

We are in a terrifying times at the moment, in the US and UK you can be held without charge for looking a bit foreign. 'Anti-Terror' laws gradually erode the freedom they claim to protect. There is an MPAA backed bill up for a vote in the US that, if passed, will enforce educational institutions to subscribe to media download services. the idea is that it will prevent piracy. This does two things : firstly it assumes peer to peer file sharing guilt on ALL students, regardless of whether they own computers or not. Secondly it places the onus on the University concerned to enforce the useage - basically making it the business of the US government to secure revenue streams for large media corporations. The penalty for non-compliance? The revocation of federal funding for the institution concerned. An analogy for us Brits: London has it's transport budget removed because someone shoplifted from the Virgin Megastore.

It won't pass but the very fact it;s made it to the floor is mind-boggling.

But that is nothing compared to the travesty that has happened in this country - it's a step too far by an overzealous and controlling state that could spell revolution. That's right, a man can no longer have sex with his bicycle in the privacy of his own room without "The Man" getting involved. It was only a matter of time before the nanny-state mentality of this labour government started to encroach on the sacred love a mentally unstable Glaswegian (is there any other kind?) shares with his velocipede, but who could have predicted that it would happen so soon?

Friday, November 09, 2007

More on meetings...

Currently on a conference call playing buzzword bingo. Just gave myself bonus points because one of the sycophants added a d to the word Strategy. Stradigy. Nobber.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

The Zen of Meetings

Meetings at work can be the bane of your life when you have 'shit to get done', they certainly interfere with my working day on an increasingly regular basis.

I've had a meeting where Nick and I implemented something that someone else disagreed with and tried to get reversed. We said that people really like it, it was easy to do, had minimal impact and lots of people want to use it. His argument back was 'In many ways that is part of its downfall'.

Unfortunately, his worst fears were realised and it stayed put and increasing numbers of users took advantage of this terrible and apocalyptic break from tradition. Even now we suffer the effects of pleased clients and users.

Anyway. Meetings. Sometimes they can be incredibly useful - especially when you have nothing pressing for them to interfere with. For example, this morning I had a meeting which could have caused me some frustration had I not finished a bunch of work (the correct plural term for work) before leaving last night. Rather helpfully this meeting came with an agenda and a set of previous minutes, all nicely numbered, which helped my productivity no end.

The Agenda is essentially a numbered crib sheet, you can skim read the agenda and see where your input is expected and, so long as you are vaguely aware of what number in the agenda you are at, you can get a lot done whilst appearing to participate in the meeting. Though this may not be that important as on many occasions agenda items can be kind of like talent contests - one person does most of the speaking in the hope of convincing everyone else in the room they have some useful abilities or skills - resolving whatever issue is on the table is of minor importance. These people are a friend to your productivity and they should be encouraged as they are unlikely to interrupt you with requests for input or your opinion.

During these parts of the meeting you can use the otherwise lost time to do other things. For instance, improve your creative side by working on your drawing skills - who knows? This could possibly lead to a future career change provided you attend enough meetings:


Fig 1: Extract from this morning's meeting.

Writing your grocery list is another excellent way of appearing to take notes and also serves the purpose of reducing the amount of time it takes you to order the food from your desk/pick it up at the supermarket during your extended lunch break.

Once you are proficient at both drawing and writing whilst appearing to pay attention, you can combine these skills to design increasingly elaborate world domination plans and draw sketches of underground lairs/minion uniforms/biomechanical supercreatures with deathrays and chocolate milk dispensers. These are just some suggestions, feel free to think of your own chocolate milk dispensing variations on the world domination theme. It can also be healthy to draw representaions of any antagonists at the meeting in various scenarios involving your inky doom-bringers - red pens can be a help here but it's a lot harder to conceal what you are doing if you brink a full set of coloured pencils and finger paints are a dead give away. It's all about moderation people.

There are myriad other possibilities, just remember - make the meetings work for you! Good luck everyone!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

The Gadget of Doom

I suspect the Macbook is going to have a similar effect on me that the new phone did. ie demonstrating that Windows Mobile really hadn't come as far as I'd thought. The problem here is that my Windows PC is becoming increasingly unstable and wobbly so there may be elements of Transference. Anyway, I'll save this for the techblog - but if you see elements of fanboyism please eviscerate me and remind me of things I've said about those types in the past.

I'm so very weak!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Journals in Hypocrisy

The title of this post will become clear, but I am going to discuss my awesome weekend of awesomeness first. In brief.

Rob Shipley, friend and colleague headed towrds the light on Friday, it was his last day at this company. Also Don Pedro Ramirez - international latini lover, arrived for a visit for the weekend. The inevitable drinking until we couldn't feel our faces ensued, inclduing a lovely curry at Lal Akash - I was going to put a photo here but they are on the home PC.

Saturday saw me cooking a lot of food and myself and Pedr taking the newly formed Wisconsin NFL franchise - the Cheddar City Cheesey Poofs - to an unbeaten run in the 2007 season on Madden '08 on the 360(8 and 0 so far ;)). The uniform of bright Edam Red and Double Gloucester Orange proved a hit with the fans, who were glad of no longer having to support the Evil Green Bay Packers. The Cheesey Poofs play at Cheddar Gorge stadium. Yeah, it took us hours to come up with that one.

I also made curry. It was awesome. Grown men playing 360 all day. That's right, no one is cooler than us.

Sunday we went to the Strand to check in to the hotel but they were running late on check-ins so we ditched the luggage and headed up to Wembley (photos on facebook, will put some up here eventually). We watched the game between the Dolphins and the Giants, the weatehr actually helpled the dolphins somewhat and it ended a tight 13-10 Giants win. The experience of goign to Wembley and actually watching a regular season NFL game was awesomeness, we then went to Sports Café to catch the Pats, 49ers and Jets games and Pedr also wanted to watch game 4 of the World series.

Met a bunch of people there who had also travelled down for the game who were very chatty (clearly not natives of the South East ;)). Seems to be a disproportionate number of Tynesiders who are NFL fans!

Monday I was off work, so obviously got called up 3 times before 930am which was fun after drinking until 3 in the morning.

After putting Piotr on the tube to Euston I decided to mooch about London for a bit and wandered aimlessly - ended up by Whitehall, Palmall, some other places. Eventually wound round to Regent Street which is where my big troubles began. I ended up in the Apple Store and nearly convinced myself to by a MacBook then and there - all my brain needs is a tiny bit of space and it latched onto the 'You were going to buy a laptop soon anway' thought I'd been havign and it was away! I escaped with my wallet intact for now but I doubt it will last much beyond the end of the month because I am an idiot.

Yes, I still hate many of the things Apple do but I've hardly been in love with Microsoft all these years. Maybe I should just get a 400mhz 386 and install Ubuntu on it and be done with all of these commercial giants. But then, that wouldn't be as pretty which is apparently what matters.

I hope I don't have to start wearing rollneck sweaters if I become a Mac.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Breaking News - No One Fucking Cares!

There should be an International Law that forces all self-proclaimed news sites to have a Diana filter. This could serve multiple purposes, not least of which would be documenting who are the Diana conspiracy theorists and excluding them from any and all public debate on any subject - they clearly lack the ability to apply logic and reason to any situation.

The Diana filter would immediately remove all the pointless, worthless crap that is written around a sadly departed over priviledged socialite. Seriously, 'Poor me I live in a Palace full of treasure'. It's apparently blasphemy to say this but I didn't care for her when she was alive and, thanks to the Daily Express and everyone who still seems to think that this is in any way news, I care for her less now.

I check the BBC daily and the news stories from the 2007 inquest (I think it's an annual event now, kind of like the Queen's speech) this week:

Today - Diana Spoke
Yesterday - Diana chased and possibly hindered by Papps
Yesterday - Car in front of Diana on the road
Tuesday - Scooter may or may not have been ont he road at the same time as Diana
Monday - Spitting Image puppet of Diana to be sold.

I kid you not, this is just what I remember from glances at the 'most emailed headlines' link on the beeb. Who's emailing this crap to their friends?! And how do they still have friends?! Essentially the top emailed stories this week are 'Diana had the ability to speak', 'Other people in France use roads' and '80s puppet based satire enjoys brief rememberance'.

The irony that the same media that killed her is the same media that sheds crocodile tears and feigns interest in "finding the truth" now is not lost on me ;)

Of course, the biggest advantage of a compulsory Diana filter is that none of you would have had to read this ;)

Ending an abusive relationship

For the last 13 years I've endured your abuse. Your lack of communication in my times of need have left me anguished for days on end. Just when I am at the end of my tether, you kick me while I am down - when I try to fix things, to make them better - you don't answer my calls and when you do you just give me the run around. And then you charge me for the privilege!

This measured and deliberate abuse ends now, I've found someone else - you and I are through.

I'm sick of your gnarly old Natwest facade, your 'admin charges', your inability to do anything without me coming into your understaffed branch and proving my existance to you. In short, you smell of poo and now I have a proper job I amm in a position to move my accounts somewhere else. Do you know what a mobile phone is? First Direct will text me with my account status, they'll text me whenever I tell them to. They have a cool website (though I think the fact they have apodcast is a bit weird).

So screw you Nastywest! I got me some First Direct love!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Let the good times roll.....or at least wobble a bit

I had a big thing about hunting for a new flatmate, being sensible with my budgeting and all sorts of other incredibly dull stuff here until I realised that it was all crap and no one cares. Instead I am going to tell you that I am going out for the first time since Hannah's awesome visit last month (post still to come - work in progress for the ever elusive new site). I only tell you this because it will be the first opportunity I will have had to test out the camera on the new phone! You're on the edge of your seats I can tell. It's Nim's birthday bash and it should be good fun. Also meeting up with Mair in London tomorrow night for a catch up and drinks, so two in one weekend!

It's nice to go out because I want to, not because it's a weekend actually - I only decided to accept the Nim invite when I woke up today, I was going to be all sensible and just do tomorrow but what's the point in being good if you can't reward yourself a bit? ....... As opposed to my previous budget plan which was to reward myself extensively and without pause in lieu of being awesomely good.

There seems to be a bizarre response to the podcast idea, none of you seem particularly horrified - I'll look into it - I may even start with an NFL special report pre-Wembley while Pedr is down visiting. I should probably mention it to him at some point - but he'll read this. Pedr - we can cut this short, you'll say you don't want to do it and say you’re embarrassed etc. I'll likely agree, and then we'll get drunk and argue about how I think baseball could be much improved by making the ball a time bomb that goes off randomly. You know it makes sense ;)

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Mattcasts

I'm considering doing an infrequent podcast, because my ego really is that deluded. I say me, I mean me and Nick. Nick doesn't know yet but I'm sure he'll be thrilled. It's probably yet another whim that will pass but I thought I would warn you.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Weight gain 3000

I've become more portly in my dotage because I am lazy and don't take much exercise. Apparently saying you are going to exercise doesn't cut the mustard.

Some people say that drinking lots of beer and alcohol in general gives you a beer belly and makes you fat. This isn't true, at least not directly. Not in my case, I don't care what these so called 'Health Professionals' tell you.

As the completely indisputable evidence provided by psuedo-science tells us, soft drugs lead to harder drugs. I assume this means you progress from the occasional spoon of Night Nurse to a hardcore Benylin habit. Anyway, where am I going with this analogy? I'll warn you that it's a tenuous link at best but I'm hung over so you can all sod off.

So, Alcohol doesn't make me fat - but Alcohol leads to kebabs and breakfast. And much like spending increases to match your income, my body has grown to accomodate sausages and kebabs. I get drunk, I get hungry so I eat lots of things that aren't good for me. Also I wake up starving - I don't normally eat breakfast but after a heavy night, if it's a weekend I grill half a pig's worth of Porky White's sausages and maple cured bacon. I grill tomatoes, heat up some beans, poach some egss and toast a load of bread. All of this goes onto a plate and is promptly demolished.

This kind of behaviour has got to contribute to my ever growing moobs and it's time the drinks industry stood up to its responsibilities and provided free gym membership to all those affected by ARSES (Alcohol Related Stupid Eating Syndrome) or, better still, a personal trainer. An idiot would suggest that I could just exercise some willpower, but as the description suggests, that person would be an idiot.

Casing point - last night was the project meal and I got hammered, abandoned this post half written to get fish and chips.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Podcastables

Hi! It's me again! Just thought I would write about the awesomeness of Podcasts. The new phone is quite cool in this regard, it will subscribe to podcasts and I can download them right to the device. I still haven't found a way of automating it but give me time. Anyway, so I've been looking for half decent podcasts to listen to, some recommended to me by Nick and one or two I found myself. So far, however, there are only two that held my interest.

Firstly - Russell Howard on 6 Music podcast - very funny show without all the boring musicky bits! :D Clicky to Download

The second is This Week in Tech or TWiT. Obviously a geekfest but also very funny, especially John Dvorak. Clicky to download. Incidentally Dvorak has quite a good ranty blog here.

Anyway, any podcasty recommendations send them my way, I made the mistake of downloading Moyles from the BBC who I am pretty sure I used to like - though I can't think why anymore! Anyway, point being I wouldn't bother with that one ;)

Delayed response

Hi! I haven't forgotten you, I've just been lame. Hannah came to vist a couple weks ago and I took her to Thorpe Park and a comedy gig for her birthday. Lots of other stuff is happening too but I need to sort that post out, hence the delay on other stuff. Bear with me, if i can actually muster some effort I will get a lot done this weekend ;)

You're on the edge of your seats, I can tell.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Techno-Mum

A snippet from a conversation from my mum - this was after the usual 'We checked the obituaries and didn't see your name, so we assuemd you are still alive' and update on every member of the home town conversation.


Mum: So I set up one of those thingies and wrote you a letter and used that bit that you wrote down and it said it doesn't exist.

Matt: I have no idea what you just said, were you just picking words randomly out of a dictionary?

Mum: I have enough of that off your bloody father, don't you start!

Matt: OK, so start again - what exactly are you trying to do?

Mum: The email thingy! I made one, wrote you a letter and the thing you wrote down it says doesn't exist.

Matt:...... oh right - my gmail address? I'm sorry, it was in May and some things have happened between now and then. So you used jones.mg@gmail.com?

Mum: Yes! that's the one!

Matt: Well it should work....I'll tell you what, give me your email address and I will send you an email, that way you can just add me to your friends when you get it.

Mum: OK, all right then. You're dad's on the PC playing his silly games at the moment. You send me an email, and if it arrives I will give you a call to let you know its arrived.

Matt:......

Mum: Hello?

Matt:....Was I adopted?

Saturday, September 29, 2007

shiny new toy

Hah! As you can see my new phone is way more awesomer than any other phone ever. FACT! Now does anyone know of any symbian software that will let me upload direct to blogger? Blogger mobile appears to be down and currently i am emailing this stuff in from my phone.

test

Room with a view

Monday, September 24, 2007

The Reaper Never Sleeps....

Awesome. I smoke, I drink, I eat lots of things like cheese and pie. Now apparently the fact I generally sleep 4-6 hours a night means that death is even closer. Stupid scientists! If they didn't spend all their time working out the many and varied ways in which I am going to die we might have some better stuff and I wouldn't mind the dying young because i will have lived to have seen it! Instead all of that effort and brainpower is wasted working out new and improved ways of ruining my fun.

Dying young doesn't matter so long as you've lived to enjoy hoverboards and jetpack equipped squirrel/cow hybrids.*

*This also explains why all depictions of 18th, 19th and many 20th century scientists are so dour - they all knew that they were generations away from this pinnacle of human achievement.

Phonetastic Gibberish

Hehe, gibberish is a great word.

Anyway, over on my Techno-Whine you may have seen that I've decided to get a Nokia N95 instead of any of the other phones I've been blathering about. There is some vague attempt at a logical argument as to why I should be getting this phone. I cite both financial and technical reasons for the choice, and some people may be fooled by it. The logic does make some sense, and if you don't know me you would give me the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately, most of the people who read my blog do know me. What they know most is this : I'm jonesing for a new gadget, this one is new and shiny and it does almost all of the things I want it to do without being Apple or Sony.

I think the techno-blog is making me schizophrenic:


Techno-Whine Matt: Ah yes, the natural logical conclusion is for me to get the N95, for you see blahblahblah [insert tenuous logic and misdirection]

RantAMatt: So it's not just because the HTC isn't out and you want to replace your perfectly serviceable phone for something newer?

TWM: Errr....No! 'Cos I could have switched to T-Mobile, they have it available from next week!

RAM: Yeah, but that would end up costing you about 450 quid more over the course of the year - what with the discount you've been promised from Orange? I mean, you're a gadget freak and everything but you're not a blind, lobotomised monkey with no hands - you have some small amount of normal person's reasoning abilities.

TWM: Ummmmm..... The only reason I didn't think of the N95 before is because I didn't realise you could export contacts from Outlook and then...

RAM: You do know that I'm you right?

TWM: Errr...

RAM: You're not right in the head, I should never have given you your own writing space.

TWM: I'll be good....



Ah well, at least I have someone to talk to.

Friday, September 21, 2007

[Boring geek Waffle!] Ongoing Techno Saga

I've now moved my techno-whining here

 
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