Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Chili Night!

For the preparation of a 'Matt's Chili of Variable Quality', you will need:

1 x Matt wearing an AWESOME T-Shirt.

1 x DAB Radio (Preferably one that won't cost too much to replace), tuned to a station of your Matt's choice. If this is not BBC 6Music[*] then your Matt is likely a pod-person and should be terminated. Don't waste though, pod-persons make excellent filler for a chili.

1 x Whatever onions and peppers your Matt has lying about the kitchen. In our example, 1 of the onions was a Tory, so was rotten to the core and the pepper unlikely to make it to the end of the chili-making process. A Matt's gotta eat, even when cooking. Oh and some mushed up dead cow (not in photo)

1 x Some cumin, salt, Tabasco, Worcester, dried chilies, mushed up garlics, Bart's minced hot chilies. Possibly a stock cube/some stock if your Matt remembers/can be bothered to find one. And maybe some Marmite.

1 x Some chopped tomatoes an kidney beans - be sure to inadvertently splash tomato juices over as many surfaces/appliances/radios as you are able during opening.


1) Tell your Matt to quit taking photos and get with the chili makin'!

He may or may not follow the following steps:

1) Fry up the non-Tory onions.

2) Add the spices and stuff

3) Stir the spices and stuff. Add more crushed chilies.

4) Fry up the mushed up dead cow until it is sort of cooked. Add more crushed chilies because he forgot he just added more crushed chilies.

5) Add the tomatoes, stir

6) Add the beans, stir.

7) Behold all he has wrought.

8) Wait until the chili is ready, periodically adding crushed chilies because he forgot he added crushed chilies already. (Step incomplete at the time of writing).

*Exceptions to the '6Music Pod Person test' are 6pm weekdays, when Radio 4 is acceptable or on the off-chance radio 7 has something funny on.


Olivia said...

Yay, Matt - food instead of gadgets and grumbles.

LOL liking all the crushed chili steps!

So, how was it? And my response to your sushi question probably deserved a post all of its own.

Jon said...

Do you buy all your technical gadgetry from Tesco? ;)

Incidentally, I may print this recipe out and try it over the weekend...


MattJ said...

@It was actually quite nice, though really could have done with a handful of chopped fresh green chilis to give it a bit more of a fresh flavour.

@Jon - Wash your mouth! It's just that radio is in the line of fire and I'm not willing to sacrifice my posher toys in the name of chili! :p

Jo said...

OK, seriously Matt, you need a real recipe for chili. I'll have to dig up a real one for you.

Also, if you can find them, get a can of roasted chipotle peppers to use in your chili. They are best pureed, but you can use them after a fine dice. Also, you should use two cans of crushed or pureed tomatoes to make the sauce, and brown the meat before frying the chilies or the onions (which are actually sauteed, but that's another matter). That way the meat flavors the onions and the spices instead of the other way around. Also, I like to add my beans much earlier before I put my sauce together because they will end up mostly flavorless if you add them too late.

Like I said, you do need a proper chili recipe!

MattJ said...

@Jo I've advertised my lack of a proper texan chili recipe before but you have yet to come to my rescue shame on you! But this one is even less proper than normal and consisted of what I had lying around and was still yummy, so nerr!

I did use two cartons of chopped tomatoes and some tomatoe puree though - not sure I can get tins of chipotle but will look into it! Now get with the recipe delivery already (and where's my carrot cake cookies at?!)

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