Friday, March 06, 2009

The arrogance of the Super Hero

Who the hell calls themself 'Superman'?!

A twat, that's who.

Some Super-Heros & Villains have names that relate to their powers - The Flash; The Human Torch; Banshee (1)
; Aquaman(2); The Green Lantern; The Silver Surfer; Jubilee(3)

The list goes on.

Some Superpeeps have names related to animals to which they or their powers bear (haha! I am funny) a resemblance or an affinity - Rhino; Spiderman; The Blue Beetle; Batman.

Some of the sooper gang have completely random names that don't mean anything and are selected purely for their cool - Gambit; Rogue; Lobo etc.

All of these I can live with, but there is something about the kind of Superhero (not villain) that gives themselves a name which basically says 'I'm better than you are'. Superman - fuck you, fuck you right in the ear you spandex wearing, narcissistic closet-case. The only reason you don't like Bizarro is because you thought that you would finally get an opportunity to make sweet love to yourself.

Wonderwoman, I have a marginal amount of time for if for nothing other than the fact she is about the only female super-hero who isn't some lamed-up female immitation of an existing male hero. She-Hulk? Please. Seriously, you're telling me that the only way women can get super powers is if a guy has had them first - and even then can only develop powers that are lamer than the original? pfft.

Anyway, Wonderwoman - change your name, you don't want to associate yourself with the likes of Superman.

And while we're on it - the Mr Fantastic and the Fantastic 4?! Yeah, you haven't disappeared up your own arses. How you manage to defeat the galaxy's enemies so regularly with such weak-ass powers is beyond me, but whatever the case, Fantastic is a word reserved for describing things like a nice pie, not stretchy losers.

I am personally very impressed that I can still get angry about this 18 years after I stopped collecting comics. no one is cooler than me.

1 Yeah, scream like a girl and dress in lime green and pink - you're totally not gay.
2 - I could spend all day here, but everything is too easy
3 - Latin for 'Irritating scrotal growth with a superpower that would make Aquaman laugh who should DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!'


the projectivist said...

yeah, Supercool.

maybe -
Superman was the name coined by ThePeople and he didn't have a say in it?

i always thought that as far as superpowers went, being stretchy was a pretty crap one.
invisible? tick.
super strong? tick.
stretchy? you lose. big time.

MattJ said...

Yeah and it was the people's spandex design company that put that mahooosiff S on his chest huh?

the projectivist said...

OK you've got me on that point.

Olivia said...

Stretchy losers!

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