Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Desparately seeking separation......

In celebration of the fact that the Labour Party and the Conservative have a policy difference for the fist time since around 2000, all political parties and the press are having a field day with stories about the new economic stuff that the guvmint is going to do.

Now, a few of the outlets and politicians are focussing on the actual content of these policies - analysing the immediate and long term impact. These people are idiots and have no idea how to run either a news story or a political party.

No, the REAL story is in the stuff that was rejected and isn't going to happen. Yup, that's right - everyone is complaining about the rise in VAT that isn't happening. They are telling us how terrible such a rise is and how we are all going to be eating gravel as a result of this thing that isn't actually happening.

The Tories, in a magnificent display of hyperbole have claimed it is a huge tax bombshell, targetted at every family in the country! This immediately made me feel better, it's usually families and their bawling, vomitting, shitting offspring that benefit from my hard-earned dollahs, it's about time they were targetted by a 1000 megatax thermonuclear bomb! (You can use that Dave).

So to recap, in the absence of anything worhtwhile to talk about it's all John Sergeant and a tax rise that isn't actually happening. Way to go Britain, you rock!

Personally I think Labour and Conservative should just stop all of this fightin' and a feudin' and just get together - white middle class millionaires should stick together afterall. They should join into one party, instead of red and blue, how about a nice Royal Purple colour?

They'll need a new logo...... How about Big Ben? (Not St. Stephen's tower, but the thing that is actually Big Ben that makes the noise inside St Stephen's tower). And this would be the end of political in-fighting as there would only be one party, so really the partty to end all parties. The End party. And they'll need a nickname....... purple, big ben, the end. How about the Big Purple Bell-ends?

1 comment:

Olivia said...

Last paragraph = genius, Matt!

Funny enough, my word code is "ading", get it? A ding?

*rolls eyes*

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