Saturday, October 11, 2008

People you may know....

Like most of the Interwebbed world, I am Facebook's little revenue generating bitch. I've forgone the obvious whining about facebook post for far too long. It's time to face the fact that my complaints enfold with a tedious and predictable inevitability.

If I was in therapy, it would be called 'embracing who you are'...


Of course if I was in therapy the rest of my interaction with the therapist would be called 'Assault with a deadly pencil shapener'.

Anyway, I digress. Facebook.

This is not a complaint about the new layout, it's a complaint about people who complain about the new layout. Even lamer than these people are the people who set up groups for people to join so that they can all whine like little bitches with skinned knees together about how much they don't like the new layout. The peak of lameness, in this particular sub-category of troll-like lobotomy experiment, is those who set up groups with a target of n Million people to join, and if they do Mr Facebook Man has said he will trash the new facebook!'.


The guy who is raking in untold gabazillions of dollahs as a result of the additional ad revenue sat down and thought 'I know, I'll tell a fat kid with a serious skin complaint and questionable personal hygeine who lives in San Antonio in his parents basement that if he, with his untold popularity, can gather together 10,000,000 people into an imaginary gang, I will forego the advancement of my evil plan'.

So. There's those people. And to those people I have a message (cos they totally want to hear what I have to say). Here's my message, ready?

Leave. Seriously, leave Facebook. If you hate it that much, fuck off. Do you know what your little online clubs do? They make more money for facebook, that's right dumbass - more pages = more revenue, also it provides Mr 'I'm throwing my head back and laughing like a Viking' Facebook Man's targetted ad system even more data on his hapless revenue drones (that's us by the way, in case you are still struggling with the concept).

They don't care OK? I've hated the fucking thing since they allowed you scum to bombard me with crapplication invites every bastard second of every bastard day, but I am still there all the bastard time like the weak willed addict I am. If you leave, I will respect you as you will have the courage of your convictions, if you stay - just roll over and accept that you are nothing but a money counter.


So. Targetted ads. Why is facebook periodically trying to encourage me to get breast implants? Can they double as ear-muffs?

...And finally...

People you may know..... I think Mr Evil Facebook Man has gone a bit loopy here. the logic behind this particular feature appears to be 'Does anyone on you friends list have a relative or have any contact whatsoever that matches anything in youtr profile'.

Yes. I do know that person' mum. Would I go for a pint with them? Probably not. leave me alone.

Yes. I do know that person went to the same Uni as me, he was a nob then and now he's a nob with a job. Congratulations ut I'd still rather use crushed glass as eyewash than have him associated with me in anyway.

You wouldn't think it, but I actually enjoy writing this stuff, it's quite cathartic (hey! have you been talking to therepists!).

1 comment:

Olivia said...

Really? Facebook started in San 'Tone?

I liked it when it was just about networking with friends, then I went off it when the crapplications went wild. But I think everyone is growing out of them since I haven't had any spam videos and nobody has thrown a sheep at me lately.

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