Monday, April 28, 2008

Clash of the Titans

Sometimes 2 national institutions will go head to head. Sometimes leading newspapers known for journalistic integrity, researched articles and the inside scoop will try to outdo eachother so that they can increase their circulation whilst revealing truths and scandals to their eager readers.

Luckily, The Daily Express have none of these troublesome things to bother them so just went with the 'We are 10p cheaper than the Daily Mail!' approach to circulation growth. There is a lot of subtext in that statement, to the trained eye it reads as follows:

'Like racism? Like barely literate reactionary Bile? Like ill informed opinions written by sub-simian, hate filled hacks? - Get all that for 10p less than your usual source but also with news about a long dead rich woman!'

At least they're honest. They aren't claiming that they have anything worth reading in their pages anymore, merely that it is so worthless they are having to undercut one of the lowest forms of gutter press this country has to offer. I just think Richard Desmond is missing an opportunity here. It would appear that the express is going to stop trying to be seen as a respectable paper (laughable I know, but some people really see it that way!), as such Richard Desmond is probably missing a trick - as Britain's most successful pornographer he could do lucrative tie-ins with such classy titles as 'Big Ones' and 'Asian Babes'. He could no doubt swing some free advertising on his TV channels dedicated to 'the arts'.

Maybe other papers cold start to follow suit. The Daily Mail could just have an 'odds and evens' page system. On every odd numbered page they could print in massive lettering 'BRITAIN'S GOING TO HELL IN A HAND CART!' and on the even numbered pages they can serialise Mein Kampf, perhaps interspersing the pages with cartoons of swarthy skinned foreigners stealing our jobs and marrying our women.

The Sun would become just a random assortment of words last used in a Carry-On film printed on a pair of novelty fake breasts.

Of course that would mean you'd have to make The Independent out of hemp and print it with the same stuff you use for henna.

I really hope this '10p less than the Mail' works for the Express. Maybe the papers will enter into a price war that will drive them out of business. Either that or the Mail will start to be free. Actually that wouldn't work either, The Daily Mail for free is called The Metro isn't it?


Sorry, this one got away from me. I just love the fact that a National Newspaper (and I use the term loosely) is selling itself based entirely on price. It's like battery farmed news vomit.

6 comments:

Hanrah said...

You missed the air quotes to go around the word "news".

David Morris said...

Brilliant post Matt! It had me in stitches. It's also very true.

Remember that the Daily Mail and the Daily Express are like that simply because it's what their readers want. The only way to stop this sort of rubbish is to change the views of large sections of society.

Unfortunately the Daily Mail is present in my home - but only because my parents get it. I don't read it from cover to cover. I may occasionally glance at one of the sports articles - but that's it.

I get most of my news from the internet now because I can can multiple sources quickly to get a more balanced view of things.

MattJ said...

Thanks Dave, I was particularly pleased with 'Battery-farmed news vomit'.

My mother is so proud.

Jo said...

Even though I work in the media, I have to say that the Daily Mail sounds like Fox News and the Express sound like the New York Times.

Of course, the company I work for is full of quality journalists with meaningful beats and keen eyes for news.

Yeah, right.

MattJ said...

Not really Jo, the Daily Mail is a right wing reactionary rag written by hate mongers and the express is a right wing reactionary rag written by hate mongers but also carries regualr 'Diana' features. that's pretty much the only discernable difference.

Except for the price of course ;)

Olivia said...

Which one is more like "News of the World" Matt? You know, "I was abducted by aliens and Michael Jackson served us coffee."

Metro, London Lite and the london paper, they fall in that order.

 
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