Friday, February 01, 2008

Updated Stereotype - Sports, Booze and Excellent Personal Grooming

Except for Waffle of course. He still works on the '1 bath a season, whether I need it or not!' theory of personal hygiene. But then he is my older brother, which in effect makes him a mythical creature*. Essentially it's like having a Unicorn come to visit. Without the horn sticking out of his head. Or, you know, the hooves. General horsey accoutrements and features are in fact entirely noticeable in their absence, as are magical powers. Unless you count the ability to breathe through ones arsehole in order to free up more time for talking a magical power.

In every other way it is EXACTLY like having a Unicorn come to visit.

Pedr** seems to think that going to the pub to watch the Rugby tomorrow is the best idea, I think he's forgotten we are in England. While he is technically English, he has lived in Wales most of his life and so has experienced the Half-Reverse-Vader effect which means he will, in most if not all circumstances, support the forces of good. The Full-Reverse-Vader effect, of course, would involve him renouncing Wales for England on his death and losing his soul just as the struggle was about to be over.

I am hoping to leave work early to meet them in the pub, some might suggest that I may have more success in this endeavour if i actually did some work rather than write this bog. These people are fools and could not possibly understand the complexities and subtleties of my plan! This is mainly because the 'plan' is barely a quarter formed and no complexity or subtlety has yet been introduced but the point still stands!

*Hannah is convinced that no one or thing in creation could possible be older than me, leaving only Mythical creatures as possibilities for 'older' visitors as these things are timeless

**Pedr, Pedwar, Pedro, Pedro Ramirez (International Latin Lover), Piotr, Pietr, Petr. And a million other variations as long as we don't use his one true name. He's like God in that way.


Hanrah said...

No-one is older than you Matt. Even if you happen to have been born later than someone you are still older due to a discrepancy in the space-time continuum which put you on a different time-line to the rest of creation. Explaining how you are so ridiculously old.

MattJ said...

As you've used a dr who-esque stlye explanation of the situation, it is impossible for me to be offended.

Geek beats vain every time ;)

Hanrah said...

Geek beats everything!

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