Thursday, August 16, 2007

Broken Biscuit Mystery

Once again I have turned my incredible powers of insight and perception to one of the pressing issues of the day.

When I was little, back when fire was merely the stuff of a madman's dreams, my mum used to shop at our local supermarket. She had 3 boys plus my dad. This is basically the same as feeding a plague of locusts. Locusts with a thyroid imbalance. Anyway, she bought a lot of food and so had to economise. One of the best things she used to buy was bags of broken biscuits. These were large bags filled with random assormtents of broken biscuits, that hadn't passed muster to make it into their normal retail packaging.

These things were awesome and contained huge amounts of biscuity-goodness for very little cash. Now while I admit I don't shop at the same place as my mum used to, I do shop quite a lot because contrary to the evidence of my blog I am actually all growed up. But the broken biscuits of my distant youth no longer seem to be available. Has biscuit forming technology really improved so much that every biscuit produced is pristine and perfectly formed? Or perhaps biscuits are made of tougher stuff these days? (Certainly not the case with Rich Tea biccies - blech!). And if that is the case then surely these scientists and engineers could have been better employed working on cures for diseases and making hoverboards? Were broken bisuits such a pressing issue that such time and effort to reduce breakage was required?

If any of you know of retailers of broken biscuits in the Surrey area please let me know, I miss the surprise of biting into a biscuit and discovering that Orange Creams actually exist.

21 comments:

lunaliar said...

I have a similar anecdote: My mom used to have to feed 4 girls and one boy, and then my dad, too (she didn't really eat much). She used to buy deli meat ends and cheese ends for our sandwiches and stuff. It was the left-over bits that delis had once they'd sliced up all of the meat into coldcuts and cheese into packages. But I can't seem to get this kind of thing anymore. Sometimes I only want to buy a bit of cheese and when I ask the deli attendant what they have in cheese ends they look at me like I'm crazy... what happened?

MattJ said...

I think you'reon dodgy ground with fresh produce like that - you do live in a country where if you do not put 'warning:contents are hot' on the side of a coffee cup you get sued into oblivion, lol!

Though it does sound awesome, imagine the money you could save if our childhood memories were combined into one glorious off-cut reality?! We'd be like hobos but with homes! :D

Olivia said...

Oof. As an only child with parents who didn't really eat much, I have no similar anecdotes...

*at a loss*

However, my mother, coming from a family of 10, would have loads. I can think of one. Their grandmother once fed 4 of them with an omelette made with 2 eggs, which she stretched with flour and milk.

Not the most dramatic story. HOld on....nope she can't think of any more.

MattJ said...

I think we are deviating from the important work of finding me a supplier of broken biscuits. come on people! Focus!

Olivia said...

Go to a school tuck shop or an old fashioned sweetie shop.

Hanrah said...

Matt, you could always try going to a normal shop, smashing up some packets of biscuits and then demanding they reduce the price....... it'll give you prime moaning opportunities too if they say no! lol!

MattJ said...

Imagine being the judge in that criminal damage case : 'You are charged with the willful destruction of custard creams and jammy dodgers.....we are letting you off the bourbons as that was more a service to humanity...'

Hanrah said...

Gasp!!! Not the bourbons! I've long suspected you were on the dark side of the force, but an assault on bourbons is beyond even the darkest Sith!!!

MattJ said...

The Bourbon, like all things chocolate 'flavoured', is wrong ona fundamental level. There's more cocoa content in fairy liquid than a bloody bourbon biscuit.

Olivia said...

I like Bourbons! There...with my dislike of Marmite, another thing wrong with me...!

Hanrah said...

Dislike of marmite? Well, you can be forgiven in light of your bourbon aprreciation!

Matt, you shouldn't say things like that, I was halfway to the kitchen to down a bottle before the chocolate frenzy subsided and I realised you were probably being sarcastic.

Olivia said...

Hanrah - thanks for your vote of confidence. Matt sees my Marmite-phobia as a fatal flaw, so he'll be even less impressed by my Bourbon-philia.

MattJ said...

Neither is a fatal flaw, merely a perversion of what is good and right in the world - you have plenty of other redeeming features to offset the Evil and at least you are admitting to these things publicy so perhaps the healing process can begin.

Olivia said...

Blimey. Right then...

My name is Olivia and I am a Bourbon liker/Marmite hater.

Hanrah said...

Matt knows nothing! He is 30 years old and bought the Pokemon DS game. He is no longer authorised to speak of what is "good" and "right"!

I bought a packet of bourbons to work today in a display of solidarity! lol!

MattJ said...

I wondered how long it would take to bring that up lol! Whilst it is true, I at least can admit that it was a terrible mistake and sent the perversion ebaywards whereas you continue with your insistence on spending actual money on crunchy chocolate flavoured (not actual chocolate) embodiments of bile.

Pedr said...

Err...you can pick up broken biscuits in a store near you (sorry for the pun, t'was unintentional).

Linda (my boss) regularly brings huge sack fulls of the delights into work for consumption in the office purposes.

Whilst I'm here I'll make a stand with Olivia and also admit to being a Marmite hater. I'm also Bourbon indifferent.

I do like a good curry these days though and trust that this discovery redresses the balance, if only a little?

MattJ said...

1) It's not a stand, it's an admission of guilt.

2) You have 25 years of culinary crimes to make up for but the curry is a good start :p

Pedr said...

1) Err...oh. Well I'm a marmite hater and proud.

2) Only 25 years? Bless you and your misappropriation of my age.

I didn't even like milk as a baby (got put on solids early because of it), I've always been a tad picky with my foodstuffs. :)

MattJ said...

I was letting you off the last couple years or so due to your new found palette. That's why there is marmite hope for you yet SenĂ³r Ramirez

MattJ said...

And which store peter?! Which one?! Details Man!

 
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