Monday, October 16, 2006

Open Letter to 'The Hoff'

You blew it my friend. You were the most popular thing because you were so lame and didn't notice it you see? You're music is terrible, as are allyour TV shows and films. What made them unique is the way in which they were terrible.

That way was the 'Hoff' way! So convinced of your own talent that you didn't notice that most of the people who like you do so because you're a big, permed, orange caricature of a man and, frankly, it was really funny to like you. Now you know you're popular, and while you are still convinced of your talent, you are now aware of your cheese factor and this takes all of the fun out of liking you.

You're now fully exploiting your lameness and using it to full commercial effect so now I don't have the same amount of fun. I'm sorry David, but it's over. You know I've equally divided my time between you and someone else, now I have to throw my support fully behind that someone else. He's a far greater man than you will ever be, he is involved in a very worthwhile charity and despite being an outspoken Christian, is a generally nice bloke. He also isn't a dick to his ex-wife.

I used to say there was an immovable object and an unstoppable force in the world David but, like Samson when he lost his hair, your powers dissipated with the loss of your blindness. Chuck, my friend, would roundhouse kick you into a badly permed grease stain.

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