Monday, September 25, 2006

Movie Adaptions of popular Computer Gamers

Please stop making them, they don't work. OK?

You want an explanation? Fine, I'll give you an explanation. Even if you manage to make a film that is watchable, which is unlikely, it still won't work properly. I'll start off listing the better ones then move to why even these don't work (after listing a couple of awful ones)

Look, resident Evil wasn't utterly awful. Silent Hill was actually pretty well done.

Doom clearly sucked ass, even if you take into account the nod to gamers with the first person bit at the end. Mario Brothers, I don't think this requires explanation. Final Fantasy - oh my good God. All others fit here.

So the good one - Silent Hill. Not a bad film. However.

Logic - it simply doesn't work. The film plays like a computer game, using computer game logic where finding certain things lead you cryptically to different bits of the game, or in this case - film. While you would logically follow these steps in a game because you know that's the way the game works and the designers are trying to give you little teasers and leads, it simply wouldn't work like that in any other scenario. The fact that it fails to explain how any of the clues got there and just leaves you to assume is classic computer game stuff.

It's difficult to actually articulate my objections, basically it was like watching someone playing the game, complete with 'meanwhile back at the ranch' cut scenes, rather than watching a horror flick. Which was a shame because if they did it slightly differently it may have worked. In its defence, as a reproduction of a game it did have that whole Resident Evil/Silent Hill feel about it, it just needed to be more of a film.


Pedr said...

Stop making films based on computer games? I can't have that, otherwise we would have been denied the best computer game film ever made - Street Fighter! Hmmm

MattJ said...

I was trying to keep the Street Fighter/Mortal Kombat wars away fromt hsi thread Pedr. We both know they are cinematic master pieces and in no way show Van Damne and Chris Lambert as cash whores who would put their names to any old shit.

In many ways the argument is futile, much like the 'which is the best Metallica Album - Master of Puppets or Ride the Lightning?' debate. it can't be won because they are both masterpieces

kT said...

yesss new internet friends!

so you're coming to pittsburgh, eh?
pittsburgh is a very weird mix of artsy-fartsy hipster kids (college town) and what we in western PA call "yinzers." a yinzer is a lifelong pittsburgher, and the name comes from the pittsburgh accent-- yinz=you guys. here, read this:
we're a ridiculous bunch, and so proud of it.

and yes, for playoff tickets, you will have to kill someone.

please eat a primanti's sandwich while you're here! and drink an iron city beer. if you need any other advice, please let me know. i'm a yinzer at heart.

MattJ said...

I'll try the sandwich but I'll thank you to remember that all of my knowledge comes from stereotypes and accordingly there are two things that Americans can't make properly - Cars and Beer! hehe.

I think the problem is we only get shit like Coors and Budweiser over here which I am guessing isn't representative of the beers you actually drink. i am firmly of the opinion that if Budweiser spent as much money developing beer as they do on Advertising they could produce something almost drinkable :p

So, Murder. If I kill someone, will the police wait until the end of the game before arresting me or would they generally be bad sports about the whole thing? :p

MattJ said...

It's actually quite bizarre. I've posted on your blog only today kt and already you've identified that my primary concerns are beer and food. You are welcome here!

Olivia said...

Hold on Matt - the only American beers you know about are the mainstream wee wee ones like Budweiser!

Don't kick all American beers till you've tried ones like what KT suggested.
Remember, my Dad is British and when we lived in Texas, he used to hate the usual suspects, but he did enjoy the occasional independent beer. One I remember was called, I think, Flat Tire.

MattJ said...

Yes, that may very well be true but it hardly fits in with my carefully constructed stereotype now does it?! :p

I've heard good tings about American micro-breweries actually and the smalle companies are apparently very good. Besides, there is no way I won't be trying IC, I always drink the 'Local brew' when visiting barbaric foreign lands! hehe

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