Monday, July 17, 2006

May impair your ability to operate machinery.

I have been a pharmaceutical company's dream consumer this weekend. I developed a lurgy on Thursday/Friday which prevented me from doing any serious partying at Nim's leaving bash and generally left me feeling Blech! all weekend.

I chose to combat this by consuming twice my own body weight in overpriced lemon drinks. I'll also be visiting the doctor this afternoon in the hope of securing powerful delurgification mojo. Normally I would just lame-out of work and wait for the lurgy to go bother someone else, in my experience this makes it go away faster and also stops colleagues from hunting you down and beating you up once you've kindly donated the festering plague to them. Anyway, I am officially in 'Soldiering On in a Curmudgeony Fashion' mode.

Ok so we've established that I have a lurgy and a busy week at work (always time to blog people!). Tomorrow morning I have to be in work by about 5:30 am, please don't ask why - I just do OK? Now I don't sleep so well, at least not before about 2am. For this reason I have taken emergency pharmaceutical measures to ensure I get more than an hour and a half sleep. I got some over the counter 'Sleep Aid'. I assume this is a euphamism for 'Just weak enough to not constitute a prescription'. Anyway, I bought these pills for one night only so to speak in the vain hope of being able to function past 9am.

These pills have caused me some confusion - I remember taking them many years ago when 'trouble sleeping' was an understatement of gargantuan proportions. It was easy, you ate a pill and at some point fell asleep. Now it appears to be different.

Me: Hello, I'd like some Nytol please
Surly Chemist: One a night or two?
Me: Errrrmmm........what?

You have to understand my confusion here, my head is full of lurgy induced fuzz and so my brain didn't quite latch on to the correct implication of the SC's question. What kind of question is that anyway? Does it mean that I take one, sleep for four hours and then wake up? I assume the logic here is that perhaps 4 hours is enough for me and I'd be wasting the day if I didn't get up at 3am and mow the lawn for a bit or make some kind of pavlova, then after suitable. Or maybe it's an opportunity for me to reconsider chemical induced sleep as a viable alternative to a more natural solution. Maybe the pills are so strong that should a call of nature occur I wouldn't be able to wake in time to prevent the inevitable and the two pill solution provides a toilet break?

Who knows. Well, the Chemist as it turns out:

  • Surly Chemist: The one-a-nights are stronger than the two-a-nights

  • Me: *confused look*
    Surly Chemist: Some people find that one of the 2 a night ones is enough.

    *At this point my ability in forming a sentence isn't being impeded by my initial confusion but rather by the severe and repeated Tongue Biting I have had to engage in*

    Me: I'll take the one a night ones please.

    I could go on about this exhange a lot more of course. For instance, what is one to do if you break the 2 a night rule by only taking one pill? Do they send you a bill for the difference due to the one a night packaging apparently constituting a higher price tag. Or do GSK just employ people to sing 'Liar, Liar Pants on Fire' at you when you wake? DO you have to throw the additional pill away or does it end it all in a glass of water due to you separating it from its life partner?

    I chose the one a night set as there didn't appear to be the same set of moral dilemmas or risky consequences from non-adherence to tablet quantity guidelines. One tough, loner pill for me thankyou very much!

    So anyway, I got back to the office and opened up my pharmaceutical swag bag and had a look at the box of sleeping pills. Along side where it says 'Not to be taken if you suffer from: [Insert A-Z of Physical and/or mental conditions]' it says this:

    WARNING: May Cause Drowsiness. If affected do not drive or operate machinery. Avoid drinking alcohol.

    I want to know who that warning is designed for.


    Olivia said...

    If I were you, having to get into work at 5.30, I would have gone for a half dose of the 2 a night

    MattJ said...

    The plan was to pop a pill at about 8 and get a full 8 hours, just to see what it would be like to sleep that long in one go lol!

    As it happens I took one near midnight and got just over 4 hours. I was tired but didnm't want to risk lying around awake for 2 of my precious 4 hours lol!

    I am currently wired.

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