Monday, April 17, 2006

Sugary Tea - The Taste of Evil

Matt Labs Inc. have finally cracked the reason why Sugary Tea tastes so awful and is so abhorrent to good and decent people, yet mother's milk to other less stable people with wild staring eyes.

Scientists , using a variety of fallacious techniques, have discovered that this foul concoction is the taste of pure Evil. Specifically it tastes of the souls of dead babies, which is the Sugary Tea drinkers main source of nutrition. Sugary Tea is the only way these minions of Lucifer can go about continuing their diabolic machinations, the study says.

Further specious findings prove equivocally that consumers of this bile of the Devil are most often secretly employed as 'Fluffy Puppy Drowners' or FPDs, rather than the day jobs they pretend to perform (most often Plumber or Contractor is their front).

Further proof of the intrinsic wrongness of the Sugary Tea imbiber is their treatment of their fellow humans. An example is the classic Plumber/Fluffy Puppy Drowner. Called out on a Saturday, said FPD will consume gallons of his Devil's Brew before changing a washer and charging the hapless, goodly resident an exhorbitant sum of cash and/or a child's soul.

Of course if the resident is also an imbiber of this loose bowel water the Scientists are in no doubt that the fee is waivered as there will be no soul to impart and there isn't a lot of cash in Fluffy Puppy Drowning.

So beware everyone. These people are out there and they look just like you and me.

Stay Safe.


Famulus said...

Speaking as a convert I... no, wait, actually, I can still happily drink tea with sugar. It's the milk that is a must. Tea without milk is an abomination. Milk makes it worthwhile and delectible.

I've also taken to drinking coffee in recent years (with plenty of milk and sugar), something that ten years ago was unthinkable. Technically I must therefore reside in limbo.

Puppies are lovely, it's cats that need drowning... >-)

Olivia said...

Is one spoon in a mug of tea considered sugary or just sweetened? To me, sugary means, half tea, half sugar.
So I DON'T drown dogs. Cats, yes.

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