Friday, April 07, 2006

Hershey's - what the hell is this crap?!

So RoboMatt returned from Vegas having been to San Francisco first. He was over there for his sisters wedding and it sounds like he had an awesome time over there so no American Bashing today I promise! Well except for this paraphrased quote:

'We do fat people, but they are in a different league! I saw a guy who was about 4 times the size of me and the only discernable exercise he performed was to reach for the ketchup'

Anway, that aside, he generously returned with a big bag of 'Hershey's minis'. The bag contained lots of varieties of this famous (and I use the term very loosely) chocolate. They had rice crispies in milk 'chocolate', peanuts in milk 'chocolate', dark 'chocolate' and milk 'chocolate'. As you may guess, I wasn't a huge fan of the Hershey's experience but being the burning ray of summer sunshine that I am I looked for the good in the situation. Every cloud as they say!

So it's not really a good thing but it is interesting so nearly there. One thing about Hershey's is that they have themed their products by cunningly making them all have an aftertaste of vomit. It's a unique marketing strategy that has clearly served them well for years.

I'm sorry but what the hell is wrong with you people?! We get slagged off by other europeans for our chocolate but you make Cadburys look like a luxury confection! There is less than 2% milk fat and Alkali treated cocoa - whatever the hell that is, in a Hershey bar. That means they don't even use Cocoa solids. Checking their site they keep banging on about possibly selling this stuff in other areas of the world and come up with a load of crap about why they haven't done it. I have an explanation as to why. It would be illegal for them to call it chocolate in Europe. At the very most they would be allowed to use the phrase 'chocolate flavoured' , you know like you see on really, really, really cheap chocolate coins?

I know some Americans read this site occasionally so help me out here, how is it this company has 30% of the American confectionary market? Lunar, I know you have taste so please tell me you don't put this stuff in your mouth! That wasn't a joke earlier by the way, it would be illegal for them to call that chocolate over here.

Unless I totally missed something, maybe there is like a High Grade Hershey's bar? You know, with some Cocoa solids? That's the stuff everyone else uses to make chocolate in case someone from Hershey's is reading and I confused them with that term.

Sorry, I know it's not that light hearted but this stuff is like eating mini slabs of vomit and frankly I think you people should boycott it! You do know chocolate should melt right?

OK, sorry, I'm going now.


Of course I want to be shot down here, I really want to hear that no sane people put this solidified vomit in their mouthes so feel free to be as abrasive as possible!


Olivia said...

I eat chocolate made by the best chocolatier in the world, a fact which hopefully lends me some credibility.

Consuming (not chewing) this dark chocolate is like savouring a good red wine.

I can honestly say Hershey's and Cadbury's are in a league of their own.

Both nasty.

My teeth hurt just thinking about it. Do people chew this stuff just to get it out of the way and have their sugar highs?

Having said all that, Hersheys semisweet chocolate chips are the only ones I put in my cakes.

Your friend should have bought Ghirardelli instead!

Famulus said...

Hey, I like Cadbury's! Can't even get the damn stuff over here. :-(

I know that it's cocoa content is too low for this market, but it's still lovely.

Galaxy is of course better.

Who do you define as the "best chocolatier in the world", Olivia?

Olivia said...

Pierre Marcolini is one of the only four chocolatiers in Europe.

I did not designate him so myself:
He has won the champion du monde award, and owns boutiques in Brussels, Paris and London.
And Time Out magazine voted him the God of Chocolate.

lunaliar said...

OMG I never eat that crap! Dave's mum gave me some of their kisses and they melted in the cupboard before I even touched them. Tossed out they were. We only eat raw milk chocolate from a local chocolatier, Coffee chocolates from Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans or Ghiardelli. Rarely do we ever eat the industrialized chocolate crap that America is so famous for.

Ugh. To think that people eat that... gross!

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