Monday, January 09, 2006

Chipperness, Toy Cars and The Midlands.

I was in a very average mood when I woke up but by the time I got to work I was feeling decidedly chipper. I have no idea why, which makes me feel even better because it means it's an entirely unprovoked good mood. Usually, of late, I only get unprovoked bad moods so this can only be a good thing. This return to perkiness has resulted in a new wave of Red Leader mocking that has been sadly lacking in recent weeks.

To be fair, he brings it on himself. Last month we were discussing his Rover and the 'Sports Suspension' he has on it. I was curious to discover at what point in monetary value does 'Crap Suspension' become 'Sports Suspension'. I think we worked it out at around 6K. For sports suspension read 'Bolted iron rods to the chassis and if you go over a gravel path your arse breaks'. As I'm British, I will blame the Americans whose idea of a sports car is a normal car with the suspension taken out. Before you disagree with me drive a Viper - the turning circle of an oil tanker and suspension struts made out of granite.

Anyway, that wasn't this mornings topic of conversation. Red Leader is a keen Karter. That is he drives and competes ina Go-Karting league. Now these things go really fast, the experience feels even faster because you are about 1 inch from the floor. It's also quite dangerous, with more than a small risk of the thing flipping over and you finishing the race on your head. I contend none of these facts. However. When he shows me a photo of one and tells me that it 'looks well mean' I have to disagree.

It looks like a toy car. I know it's not one, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to denegrate the sport, like I say it's populated by screaming nutters! But under no circumstances can a Go-Kart be described as 'mean looking'. It looks like a baby F1 that you would buy a toddler for Christmas. Ok, tell me I'm wrong:



Now I can't stress enough that I am only suggesting that Karts do not look 'mean'. You could stick spikes and guns on them and I doubt it would look mean! Mini things do not look mean, it's not possible! Has anyone seen a mean looking puppy? It may be the most vicious canine on the planet but it doesn't look it because it's a bloody puppy and too small to look mean!

Don't be bringing up things like insects either! They are full sized, not mini. A puppy is a mini dog and a Kart is a mini car. So no, they do not look mean.

[Edit: RoboMatt Contribution]:





Red Leader Prepares for the Big Race!


[/Edit]

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I nearly forgot to explain the third part of my title. It's completely pointless telling you this but I feel like it so you'll just have to cope won't you? Actually, it probably would have been quite funny just to not mention it......

Anyway, moving on. I'm off to Birmingham tomorrow for a work related thing with some mates from work. Rather than travel from Leatherhead through London which would be a nightmare, I am going from Guildford through Reading. Don't panic, this isn't about train journeys. Basically I am going to stop at RoboMatt's house tonight as we are catching the 6:30am train. Now we are going to go for a pint as we haven't been for a while and it's being implied by a certain Scarlet hued Superior that I am going to get trashed, when I clearly have a very long day tomorrow. Boy has no faith. So now it is a test of will, can I go to a pub and leave sober(ish)?

That's a rhetorical question. As your mother used to say "If you've nothing nice to say....."

7 comments:

Red Leader said...

Oh Matt, What will we do with you. Your evil attacks on my beloved MG are only made more farcical by your constant request for "lifts" in it. And now your "attacks" on Karting...

Well I feel that I need to remind you of the video previously posted here -> http://www.killsometime.com/Video/video.asp?ID=317

and doesn't this picture look mean -> http://www.karting1.co.uk/pics/biland-kart.jpg

I suppose it all depends on your definition of 'mean'. A man speeding at 80mph in a 40mph limit, in a transit van, is just silly; a man going 80mph towards a hairpin bend looking like he/she does in the above picture is definately mean :-)

MattJ said...

I do like it when people put effort into having a go back at me! Good work oh heoric leader!
Though I should point out that the Van in question was a little one, ratehr than a Transit, and the speed limit was a temporary one on a Motorway late at night. I'm not saying it wasn't stupid of me not to notice the change, just that I wasn't whizzing past a school at 3pm!

So, yeah. More than fairplay on the speeding comment, will be paying closer attention if I ever decide to drive in the future!

Far as Karting goes, like I stated many times my doomed pilot friend, it's not the sport I am attacking or the drivers. I do not doubt the speed or the danger of the vehicles. Merely that they do not look mean. It's too diddy.

I'd hardly call my requests for a lift 'constant'. Twice I believe? And you can hardly call it an attack, it's merey a statement of the fact that the suspension is somewhat lacking. ie there isn't any!

MattJ said...

Incidentally. Anyone else reading this, check out the video RL has linked to in order to see some truly unhinged infdividuals.

Red Leader said...

I think you will find, o' crime lord of loughborough, that there is a lot of suspension on the car, just that its designed very stiff. Its a trade off you see between better road handling and comfort.
I still think Karts look 'mean', when you take into consideration their abilities.

Olivia said...

ew, Birmingham, I'm sorry. (Not sorry for Birmingham for having you unleashed on it; rather, for you having to go there.)

Mike said...

The only way a Kart could look "meaner " would be to put Spokee-Dokees on it and add stabilizers. Or for a final touch of true hard-core attitude, a bell with a bright tone. So don't be so harsh Matt, you know you're just jealous.

Alan Dove said...

Does a kart look mean?

Its hard to say. You really have to witness them to realise how rude karts can be.

I realise that there are alot of bandits out there, but proper karts are QUICK, SOUND AMAZING, and are LOUD!!!


A Formula A kart, or a 125cc Gearbox kart has performance better than most sports cars. 0-60mph in under 3 secs people and cornering only cars could dream off.

Go to the track, and WITNESS some PROPER karts with PROPER drivers and you may change your mind!!!!!!!!

may i suggest you watch-


http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1439859670238047562&q=karting

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3761303618872683731&q=karting

look at-

http://www.karting1.co.uk/cool/cool%20pics%202/daniel%20payne.jpg

http://www.karting1.co.uk/cool/cool%20pics%202/adam%20jones.jpg

http://www.karting1.co.uk/cool/davesera.jpg

and this one has a grill!!

http://www.wskarting.com/gallery/LaConca/wsk_2006_1/images/482B1172.JPG

or check out this chaved up kart

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2754/1195/1600/chav%20my%20kart.jpg

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2754/1195/1600/side%20chav.jpg

I am done!

 
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