Friday, November 11, 2005

Creationism Part II -

After attacking the Creationist buffoons of Kansas in my previous postings, it's time to even the balance. A fine point was made by Amateur Theologian, Mike, in the comments section of the previous post dealing with this subject. For those of you too bone idle to go check it out (although you should, it's very entertaining) I will summarise here for you.

Given that Creationism suggests that a 'Higher Power' cobbled together a whole world and it's internal Gubbins all in 7 days then Mike suggests that it should be no trouble for this Divine Being to knock a few new animals together for us. We both agree that the standard creatures we've enjoyed over the years have their place but are actually quite dull. It's time for some originality, some new and interesting creatures for our entertainment. If we don't like some of the new creatures this 'Higher Power' produces we can just do what we did with all the other rubbish animals and hunt them to extinction!

So come on Higher Power, pull your finger out and give us some new animals!

Now I am going to reproduce current suggestions for new animals, please feel free to add your own in the comments and I will continually update this post whenever a worthy new animal is put forward.

Animal by Mike, named by Matt

The Squow:

I'm glad to see that Creationist viewpoints are finally being recognised as valid. This obviously means that soon this "higher power" will get bored and make some new animals and stuff; after all, the ones we've already got are pretty tedious (why else would we make them extinct)?

I look forward to the day that I open my bedroom curtains and gaze down upon some brand new creation that this "higher power" has cobbled together overnight. I mean, if as some sources would have us believe, higher powers can make a world in a few days, surely they can build some sort of cow/squirrel cross for our amusement in a single evening?

Talk about resting on your laurels! Get off your idle butt, "higher power" and give us some new species to endanger! NOW!



It should be noted that a modification to the Squow was suggested that would introduce elements of larger cats to improve their Evil Grey Squirrel Squishing capabilities. Thus the new animal would have the 'Speed of the Puma/Poooma'. This new hybrid would be called the MooSquooma.

My own humble suggestion is as folows:

The Chew-ow-aaaaargh!

Personally I am in favour of some kind of Lycanthropic creature. You know? Like a Chihuahua that transforms into some slavering beast whenever it hears the word 'Diddums' or something similar and proceeds to rend and devour it's stupid owner. This has the added bonus of ensuring the extermination of Paris Hilton.

Come on God! you've got two diamond suggestions now! You don't even have to do your own thinking! Bring on the Squows and Chew-ow-aaarghs! and chuck in some flying monkeys while you're at it!


Come on people! Our divine being is clearly out of practice, lets give him as many ideas as we can so that his creative juices get flowing. If we get enough support perhaps we can all soon be enjoying a world where the gentle Squow roams free, skipping from branch to branch and chewing the cud! More importantly Paris Hilton may be a thing of the past!

7 comments:

Olivia said...

Ricky Gervaise wrote a whole illustrated book of new creatures. Check it out sometime.

MattJ said...

Flanimals I believe? That's just silly though, these are serious suggestions for real creatures :p

MJ said...

I kept thinking about it last night in this is all i could come up with...granted, it is not as cool as your creations...but maybe worth at least considering...could you imagine a mix between and ant and an elephant? would or better yet...a snake and an elephant....that one would be cool...don't u think?..i feel tempted to open paint and make a drawing of what it would look like...but i am gonna have to resist...
ok...so..it is friday...which means i will probably not hear from you until monday-tuesday...so, have a happy weekend!!!! be good, don't do anything i would not do..or better yet..don't do anything i would do....

MJ said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MattJ said...

I think you should make a drawing! That would rock! Will update with your Eleph-Ant and Eladderphant ideas later hun. Is it going to be a tiny elephant or a huge ant though?

Pedr said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pedr said...

The Killer Penguin

First off, I like penguins, they’re funny and they make me laugh. I like the way they waddle and comically fall over…

However, they have several predators and are eaten by many things in the sea (not your more traditional fish granted, but fish are rubbish and deserve to be the main fodder of our wobbly birdie friends). Seals (sea lions maybe) and Killer Whales wait for our flubbery flightless friends to dive in the water and then, after catching one, toss them about for a bit before having the decency to eat them – it’s a disgrace, didn’t your respective sealy/whaly mothers teach you not to play with your food?

So what I propose is a penguin that waits to be caught and then is able to eat said whale / seal when it feels like it (before it is actually killed itself, the more riskier killer penguin may wait that moment too long before turning the table spectacularly and in turn still be eaten by the whale/seal/whatever – this encourages natural
selection and ensures the stupidest killer penguins will not survive).

Anyway, the killer penguin will not be much different to those lovable tubs of lard penguins currently in existence so as not to spoil their silliness when they wobble and fall down (like a weeble but with more falling down). The only major difference is that the beak whilst still appearing in all it’s beaky finery, will actually be snake-esque in that it that it actually conceals a mouth which can dislocate and swallow things up to a million times* it’s normal size.


*NB. Size not to scale.

 
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