Tuesday, October 04, 2005

My Dad, Technical Genius

Well. He's worked out how to use MSN about 8 months after I set him up on it. Good going! To be fair he's been on and off the internet during that time, so it's kind of understandable. Or is it? why has he been on and off the Internet since it's been installed? To examine this question, let us take a look at dear Pater's list of technical responses, the cunningly intricate series of fault diagnosis procedures which he follows should errors occur in his PC system:

1.)Format the Hard drive.
2.)Reinstall Windows.
3.)Spend the next fortnight looking for his Windows key.
4.)Swear at PC until drivers magically reappear.
5.)After 4.) has failed, phone Matt and expect him to know the exact hardware configuration of PC and transmit drivers telepathically to PC.

This procedure should be followed in any of the following events:

1.)Complete system crash
2.)Windows kernel errors
3.)Attack of devastating virus
4.)Hijacked internet connection
5.)Slow Internet connection
6.)Slow start up time
7.)Regular Blue screen of death
8.)Games fail to load correctly
9.)'It's acting a bit funny'
10.)Can't play 'The Quo' in CD-ROM
11.)Couldn't beat Solitaire in under 5 minutes
12.)Scrabble doesn't work
13.)Full moon
14.)Acheing in bones indicating future PC issues
15.)Martin went on it*

All of these things I thought I knew and I'd resigned myself to no online conversations with my Day. However, he has proven me wrong and is harassing me even as we speak. Provided he can not give himself any technical support, and he doesn't disown me because of this blog, this may actually increase our communication. I am terrible at phoning home you see.

In fact I suck at it, which is really weird because I get on really well with my parents. I mean, there would be no me without them and while this may have created problems for the rest of the human race it's generally a good situation for me to be in. Also the fridge is always well stocked with essential supplies. You know, cheese and beer. Several dozen varieties of each usually, which is never a bad thing.

So welcome to the Interweb Pater, watch this space because now I've cast aspersions on your character you are safe from a second attack and you can sit back and enjoy as I do it to others! :-D

*This usually results in a serious technical fault. Can usually be repaired by reformatting and beating confession out of said Martin.


Famulus said...

I deny everything!

MattJ said...

Lol! Apologies, I wasn't casting aspersions mate, Martin is also the name of my older brother. More commonly referred to as Waffle.

Mike said...

Or more commonly referred to as "the kiss of PC death".

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