Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Imminent Pandemic

Sad news dear friends. I'm sure you remember my selflessly and, let's face it, heroically taking time off work in order to battle Man Flu alone and cold in my lonely flat. Why Selfless? I was protecting my colleagues from the ravages of this Silent Menace, I did not want to infect them with this most insidious of diseases. Sadly my precautions were not enough, and Man Flu has once again proven what a Wily Foe it is. Somehow Red Leader (Andrew) has endeavoured to contract the virus.

He is currently a sorrier speciment than normal, attempting to 'Soldier on' as best he can at work. Every now and then he mutters something about 'So.......cold.......' or 'getting........darker.......cold....embrace........of.......[cough!]'. I fear he won't be strong enough to battle this one out on his own, we may lose him. Even worse is that he has two weeks off next week so unless he is claimed before Friday, it may be towards the end of the month before we discover we need a replacement! During one of his more lucid moments (of which, even on a normal day, there are few) he muttered something which at first I thought was 'Man Flu'. However after twisting the words in my mind to suit my purpose I realised he was saying 'The Man!............flu'.

Could it be? The Man infecting the working mens population of my company with a deadly (The)Man Flu Pandemic?! I wouldn't put it past the dastardly swine! But to what purpose? Well even the most simple of creatures can see the purpose of the plan once you see it in action.
The Man, not satisfied with his Global Dominance over Car Insurance providers is making further moves into IT. Obviously he is already in control of Microsoft, now he is moving in on our company! By devastating the predominantly male workforce with this evil infection he will affect productivity and therefore shareprice. He will be able to snap us up for a song!

Damn his low cunning, I will find a way to Stick it to Him. Andrew must be 'dealt' with before the virus spreads.......

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