Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Man Flu.

I'll talk about the truly awesome weekend later, right now I have breaking Matt Health news.

It's just gone 6:30am and I am in work, which is bad enough. I also have Man Flu. Now calm down, I know it's worrying but I've had this potentially fatal disease since last night and I made it through until the morning. I'm told if you make it through the night you are over the worst of it, we can only pray that's true.

Don't worry loyal friends, I'm a fighter and I'll beat this thing! Tell Tiny Tim I might not be home for Christmas!

For those of you unfamiliar with this silent killer, I'll explain about Man Flu. First off, it is possible for women to get Man Flu but it affects them differently, in fact almost not at all. Man Flu immitates the symptoms of the common cold, cunningly concealing itself as a lesser illness. However when gripping a Human Male in it's icy grip, the victims behaviour is also dealt a devastating blow! This effect appears to be multiplied if there are any women within a 300 yard radius of the home of the victim.

Other than the deceptively mild symptoms, the man is struck with an urge to lie wimpering on the couch, uttering words like 'I'm dying.....' and '[cough!] could I get some tea please?....'. Cynnical women have suggested that 'It's not that bad!'. These harridans refuse to accept that when they contract this cruel illness, they don't feel the full brunt of it's vicious assaults. I pray they never do, though perhaps it would help them understand the terrible suffering.

Anyway, I should go back to work. Though I shouldn't be here, I'll soldier on as long as the sweet embrace of unconciousness doesn't claim me. I'll just have to keep going. One day at a time.

[cough!]I have to get my own tea! These are truly heartless people![cough!cough!]

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