Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Culinary delights

I occasionally eat at the works cafe. I always instantly regret it of course because if you fed this stuff to your dog the RSPCA would be around your house within 5 minutes.

Sausage and mash. A child of four could make it without a problem. A child of four with learning difficulties. In fact a child of four with severe myopia, learning difficulties and an inner ear problem that affected their balance could cook this simplest of dishes.

So could someone explain to me how I ended up with partially mashed potatos (with those characterful uncooked lumps in! mmmm!), a dribble of gravy and a 'Mister Whippy' turd shaped sausage that ranges in colour from tan to 'Prison Pallor'. Top off that taste sensation with peas cooked to a point where they could legally be classified as offensive weapons, peas so bad that in the Human Rights charter they come under the heading 'Cruel and Unusual punishment'

My chagrin was doubled when Andrew came back to his desk with the same meal. He doesn't agree with gravy and sausage, but then he is from the southeast and people aren't right in the head down here. So he says 'they bloody drowned it in gravy'.
Why couldn't I get the pool of lovely salt laden, and most importantly - colour and taste masking - gravy? Goddammit! I was exposed to the full spectrum of the Cafe Microwave Operatives' culinary arsenal! At least he spilled it down his top, so it wasn't all bad. Though, if he objected to it that much, perhaps the sink might have been a better option? Maybe I'll mention that to him.

Note to self: No matter how lethargic or hungover you feel, you've done nothing wrong so stop punishing your blameless body with this barely flavored slurry!
Maybe I should start cooking again and bringing in my own food, thats what I've been planning on for what seems like an age. OK, after the major piece of work we are doing next week I am going to turn over a new leaf and bring my own food. Promise.

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