Friday, September 16, 2005

Blair Toughens up Anti-Terror Laws

In an effort to defeat an evil abstract concept, arbiter of The Lord Tony Blair has received word from God (GWB) that he must tighten up anti-terror laws. When Mr Blair was told that some critics see this as a further move towards a police state, he was heard to respond 'Really? And what are their names?....', while steepling his fingers in what one passer-by termed a 'Sinister fashion'. The passer-by was unfortunate enough to be the fatal victim in a bizarre kitchen related accident, when he fell backwards onto a carelessly abandoned kitchen knife 17 times later that day.

Among the new proposals is the introduction of 'early friendly bed time'. Sleep police will patrol the streets after 7 pm making sure they are clear of all people. 'The reasons for this measure are two-fold' Explains the saintly Blair. 'First, people can strengthen the family unit. Secondly, it is well known that Terror only comes out at night, so anyone out after that time is clearly a cohort'.

Further to his plans, the Great Protector plans to introduce 'Mind Minders' later this year. These government employees, dressed in a cozy black leather Uniform and trained to the height of physical fitness in order to lengthen their continued service, will help to identify Terror in otherwise apparently innocent citizens. Mr Blair is slightly vague about the plans but I can reveal that they are to be equipped with a variety of Terror detecting devices:

1)Picture of perfect Non-Terrorist (White, average height, average weight, probably Christian, good enunciation or, alternatively, 'salt of the earth' type, vacant look)
2)Anti-terror stick
3)Anti-Terror gun
4)Anti-Terror 'persuasion' devices

Blair concluded that 'These Mind Minders will ensure that mus..... errrr.... Terrorists don't get a free ride in this country! We will track down anyone who looks slightly fore..... errrm terrorist like, and if they are poor we will deal with them in the harshest possible way!'

Keep tuned for future updates

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